Our Fear of Change

September 4, 2010 by Steven Leave a Comment

Do you sometimes find yourself wondering how you ever ended up here?  Could you have done better?  Might things have been different, if only…the thoughts begin swirling around in your mind and soon you are second guessing the way your life has turned out. 

We all face moments of doubt; moments when we feel as though we’ve diverged from our path.  One morning we might wake up only to realize that we are in the midst of a journey we never should have been on in the first place.  In our moments of doubt we feel vulnerable; uncertain and insecure about where we are, wondering where it all might have went wrong…and it paralyzes us.

We’re afraid to change.  Not because we don’t want to change but because change is uncomfortable.  Finding the courage to make a major life-altering change is like trying to find the cojones to ask out the prettiest girl in school.  As much as you want to go on a date with her, it’s practically impossible to work up the nerve to introduce yourself (while not making a complete ass of yourself in the process).  The same is true for changing your life.  It is hard, it will be scary and you may even question your sanity at times.

Day after day we go through the motions of life.  We know something in our life isn’t right and despite our recognition that something is amiss, we shield ourselves from the truth. We try hiding behind the little lies we all tell ourselves; that things will get better, that he will change, that I’ll be promoted if only I work more hours…

We tell ourselves these things because we’re afraid to say “Screw it!”

We’re scared to quit, to cut our losses and move on to something else.  Afterall, we’ve invested so much time, money and effort into it that moving on would mean all our energy has been for naught.  So a relationship that has long ago soured lingers only because of the fond memories you once shared.  A bad investment stays in your portfolio because you can’t bear to take a loss, all the while its value continues to plummet.  And that degree in computer science that promised riches…well, rich you may be but happy you are not.

We must overcome the fears that strangle our dreams.  It’s time to be honest with yourself, say “Screw it!” and move forward.  Things change, people change, values change, beliefs change.  Life is dynamic.  Embrace change with an open heart.  The time, energy and money are all gone.  You will never be able to get them back.  So ask yourself, is it really worth it to invest more into this or are you just beating a dead horse?

We’ve all heard the stories of people who find themselves on the verge of death only to come back a changed person.  They quit their jobs, divorce their husband and chase after their passions.  These people aren’t crazy.  They get it!  They understand that this life is all they are ever promised and even a moment of dissatisfaction is a moment too many.  Don’t go another day questioning your life.  Change it!  You might not be so lucky as to have a second chance to get things right.

Find your happiness.

Filed under Attitude, Inspiration, Prioritizing

Life’s Limiting Reagent

August 28, 2010 by Steven Leave a Comment

One of the components of the fuel mixture on the Apollo lunar module involved a reaction with hydrazine and dinitrogen tetraoxide.  If the balanced equation for this reaction is:

2 N2H4 (l) + N2O4 (g) → 3 N2 (g) + 4 H2O (g)

What volume of nitrogen gas (measured at STP) would result from the reaction of 1500 kg of hydrazine and 1000 kg of dintrogen tetraoxide?

If it’s been a while since you’ve taken a Chemistry class, allow me to refresh your memory on (or introduce you to) limiting reagent problems.  The purpose of this problem is to identify which of the two reactants will be consumed first in the reaction, either the hydrazine or dinitrogen tetraoxide.  By determining which reactant is limiting, you can calculate exactly how much product, in this case nitrogen gas, will be produced.

Consider your own life.  Are there aspects of your life that you can identify as limiting your potential to grow, expand or produce?  Is there something preventing you from realizing your maximum potential?  Are you as happy as your heart tells you you ought to be?  Are you earning what you’re worth at your job?  Are you free from debt?  Does your schedule allow you to pursue goals, hobbies and passions or do you wish there was more time in the day?  Are you active and healthy or is it a struggle to climb a couple of flights of stairs?

Consider your own life and all the factors you have identified as being the limiting reagents.  Consider the money problems, your unsatisfying career and your neglected and deteriorating relationship with the love of your life.  Take a few moments to really consider your life and all that is limiting it.

Consider them and ask yourself, “What do all these things have in common?”

The answer is you!  You are the common bond and, therefore, you are the limiting reagent in your life.  Not the money.  Not the career.  Not the schedule.  Not the debt.  Not the kids.  Nothing is limiting your potential but you.  No one else is restricting your happiness.  The possibility of your life is only possible with your effort.

Your life is a chemical reaction.  If you want a little more product – more results, more happiness and satisfaction, more money, no debt, that old spark – you’ve got to add a little more YOU to the mixture.

Want to get out of debt?  Add a little more effort on your part to get out of debt.  Want to lose weight?  You have to start exercising and eating right.  Are you sick of your career?  Find a more meaningful method of supporting yourself financially.

You can’t expect a chemical reaction to happen without adding the right amounts of chemicals and you can’t expect your life to improve or progress any further without YOU being proactive and aggressive.  If you want more product,  you must add more YOU to the reaction.

Now that you’ve identified the real limiting reagent in your life, add as much of it as you can and produce as much product as your life will allow.

Class dismissed!

Filed under Awareness, Motivation, Opportunity, Potential

Fashion & Frugality

August 21, 2010 by Steven 3 Comments

“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.”
     ~Henry David Thoreau

I have a confession to make: I’ve never bought clothes at a thrift store.

I have browsed the selection to see what sorts of “treasures” I could find but came out empty-handed each time.  Even though I firmly believe in living a minimalist and simple lifestyle, I diverge from the frugality gurus when it comes to clothing and fashion.

The experts want us to believe that secondhand stores are the best option for fashion on a budget.  It is true that used clothes will cover our bodies just as well as a brand new pair of designer jeans, and for a lot less money, but should cost always be the only consideration?

“Who cares about the clothes I wear?  What matters is what’s on the inside.”

Philosophically, the content of our character is the only thing that matters.  Our clothes, the cars we drive or the house in which we live don’t define who we are as a person, yet in today’s society, appearances do matter.  How we dress influences our ability to attract a mate, find a great career or meet new people.  Ninety-three percent of how you are perceived during the first seven seconds of meeting a person is based on appearance.  Are you sending the right signals?

Clothes are more than just functional pieces of fabric meant to cover our jiggly bits.  They are an outward reflection of how we perceive ourselves on the inside.  Shy people wear plain clothes so they won’t stand out in a crowd.  People who are insecure about their weight wear clothes to hide the extra pounds.  Punks wear clothes that represent their frustration with the mainstream.  Our personal identity is directly expressed through the clothes we wear, so while our clothes may not define who we are as a person, we do communicate who we are through our style of dress.

And clothes aren’t just about style or creating an image.  Have you ever noticed how good you feel after a haircut?  Your confidence is lifted and you feel better about how you look.  Instead of feeling insecure or uncomfortable about your appearance, you feel sexy and strong.  Clothing has the same power.   A stylish outfit can boost your self-esteem and make you feel bold.  You may even find yourself asking out that cute girl you’ve been checking out for the last couple of weeks.

All this isn’t to say that we need a closet full of designer clothes.  Having a few key articles of quality clothing is far superior to owning a bunch of Stuff you don’t wear.  A wardrobe that you can mix and match to create different outfits is better than a different outfit for each occasion.  It is about getting the best value for your money, which means buying clothes that you will wear often and regularly.

Frugality is never about the money.  It is about finding the best value.  A carefully picked wardrobe can do wonders to improve your self-esteem and open doors to new opportunities in your career and love-life.  Money spent on quality clothing in timeless styles that will raise your self-esteem is money well-spent, at any price.

Filed under Fashion, Frugality, Spending

Just Do It: Five Steps to Create the Life of Your Dreams

August 14, 2010 by Steven 4 Comments

Now that I’ve moved away from my hometown, I use Facebook to keep my friends and family up to date on what I’m doing.  Whenever I travel somewhere or do something exciting (like skydiving or rock climbing) I post pictures of my adventures on my profile.  Almost every time I post a new photo album, someone leaves a comment about how they wish they could do the things that I do, claiming they don’t have the time, the money or that their responsibilities as a parent or employee hold them back.

They’re wrong! And if you think you don’t have the time or money, or that your obligations are limiting your opportunities, you’re wrong, too!  The only thing preventing anyone, including you, from doing anything is the willingness to make it happen; to Just DO It! The doors are open and opportunity awaits anyone willing to reach out and grab it.  There are no gatekeepers preventing you from living the life of your dreams. You don’t have to ask anyone for permission.  The world is your oyster!

How!? How can you begin living the life of your dreams…RIGHT NOW?

Make a Choice: What do you want out of life?  Do you dream of hiking the Appalachian Trail or living in a foreign country?  Whatever your desires, if you ever hope to see them through to fruition you must make them your priority.  If you want to travel, choose to make it a priority.  Want to become a writer?  Choose to make it a priority.  Inside each of us there is an “on” switch that we must flip.  Make a choice, flip that switch, commit to your goal and pursue it ruthlessly, without hesitation or apologies.

Stop Dreaming: Dreams bring inspiration but dreams and inspiration will only get you so far.  If you ever want to accomplish anything, you must move beyond the visions in your head.  Dreaming, hoping and wishing don’t produce results.  Burgess Meredith in Grumpier Old Men said it best:

You can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.

Stop Making Excuses: There’s an excuse for everything and guess what, all of those excuses suck.  An excuse is just a way of justifying inaction due to fear.  It’s easy to say “I can’t” if you can blame it on some externality that you “aren’t able” to control.  It’s not easy to admit that you’re afraid of stepping outside of your comfort zone.  It’s so much easier to blame your situation on money, time or the kids.  And since those excuses are so universally accepted in our culture, no one is going to call you out on any of them.  No one, that is, except me.  All of your excuses are bullshit. You know it and I know it.  Stop making excuses, you won’t live forever.  These guys aren’t making excuses.

Prepare: Want to quit your job?  Sit down, take an honest assessment of your financial situation and create a plan to shore up any weaknesses you find.  Create a budget, eliminate all extraneous expenses, get out of debt, build your savings.  Prepare yourself in real ways that will help you to succeed.  No matter how much you hate your job, hate alone isn’t going to set you up for success.  Do something positive each day with that emotional energy, then smile as you walk through the door because you know that you are one day closer to walking away for good.

Take Action: Preparation leads you in the right direction but, like dreams, can only take you so far.  Once you reach a point where all the preparations have been made, it is time to take action.  Action creates change.  Change brings about opportunity.  Don’t count on luck to bring you the life of your dreams.  “Luck” is just opportunity presenting itself to those people who are prepared to act upon it.  You can create your own luck by taking action towards accomplishing your goals.  Want to become an artist?  Paint.  Want to learn a foreign language?  Take a class.  Want to travel the world?  Buy a plane ticket.  Action is the only thing that separates dreaming from reality.

Creating the life of your dreams isn’t difficult, it just requires dedication, determination and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone to take calculated risks.  Success isn’t guaranteed, but failure only comes to those who quit. Turn your dreams into reality, make the choice to make it happen.  Give up the excuses and prepare for success.  Create a new reality; the reality of your dreams.

Filed under Attitude, Freedom, Goals, Inspiration, Life, Motivation, Opportunity, Passion, Potential, Preparation, Prioritizing, Success

The Life You’ve Always Wanted?

August 8, 2010 by Steven 10 Comments

We all have our ideas of what the “perfect life” would be like but often the images in our mind are a far cry from the reality we are living.  If you were able to travel back in time and ask a younger version of yourself if this is the future they’d choose for themselves, what would their answer be?  Twenty years ago, could you have envisioned the life you have today?  Is it everything you’d imagined or have your dreams evaporated into thin air?

Chances are, the life you are living today is nothing like the life you expected to have.  You sold your ideals for a dollar bill.  Why?  “Because that’s just what adults do.” We have to make a living to pay the bills.  There’s food to buy and television to watch.  How are we supposed to save the world when we’re up to our eyeballs in debt?  The mortgage isn’t going to pay for itself, is it?

“It is what it is.” There’s no time for dreams.  Dreams don’t pay the bills or put food on the table.  Our younger selves didn’t understand what it meant to be adults.  We have obligations now and we’ve built our lives around some idea of what it means to be a “responsible adult” in today’s world.  What we ended up with is a career that steals our time and energy, a mortgage that drains our income and debt from all the Stuff we bought to furnish and decorate our home.  We have many thousands of dollars in Student Loans and a couple of cars to pay for.  Oh yeah, and the credit cards…

It looks like being an adult isn’t all that we’ve been led to believe.  All of our lives we’ve been told that adults are “responsible”, implying that it’s somehow more virtuous to fall in line and follow the leader than it is to follow our youthful ambitions.  The “responsible” thing to do is find a job, get married and have children, buy a house and a couple of cars, then keep your nose to the grindstone until it’s finally time to retire.  When that day does come, we hope that our health will last long enough to enjoy the life of our dreams; the life we’ve been waiting our whole life to live.

And what has it all amounted to?  A garage full of Stuff we never really needed in the first place, kids that seem to resent our very existence unless we’re buying them something, a spouse that we barely seem to know anymore and a huge house we aren’t able to enjoy because we are at the office earning a paycheck to pay the mortgage.

Sure, we have all the Stuff we could ever imagine.  We drive nice cars and wear nice clothes.  Our home is decorated like a magazine cover and on the weekends we are able to relax with a cold beer in the backyard.  On the surface things seem wonderful.  A little deeper though and things don’t look as good anymore.

What are we sacrificing to create this image of the “perfect” life?  Our time, our energy, our sanity?  If the average person starts working fresh out of college at the age of 22 and retires at 67, that’s 45 years of life sold for a dollar bill.  We’re trading our life to fill our garage with junk, for a heap of metal to take us to a job so that we can pay for that same heap of metal.

What if there were a different way?  What if you didn’t have to spend your entire life working?  Would you do it?  If you knew that in 10 years you could be financially able to walk away from your job with enough money to pay for all your expenses, would you have the ambition to make it happen?

There is a way, it is possible!  The only problem – of course there’s a problem – is that to get there, you have to minimize your spending and save.  “But that’s Un-American!” Our entire lives we’ve been told to “get out there and boost the economy.”  After the attacks on September 11 we were told to go shopping as a way to stand up against terrorism.  Does that mean we’re supporting terrorism by saving money?  Of course not!

What I’m talking about isn’t a new concept.  It isn’t impossible.  It’s been done before and it’ll be done again.  And not just by a few outliers but by many thousands of people.  Will you be one of them???

What’s the secret?

Live Frugally: Cut your expenses to the bone.  Anything that doesn’t offer real value to your life is out.  That might mean going without a contracted cell phone, cable television, TiVo or Netflix.  Find alternatives or other ways to occupy your time.  It may seem impossible now but you can live without these things.

Get Out of Debt: You can’t be financially independent when you’re in debt.  Get out, get out, get out! By adopting a frugal lifestyle, the extra money you’re able to save can be applied towards eliminating your debt.  After you’ve saved up enough money to cover six months of living expenses, every penny should be thrown at your debt.

Save: Once you’ve paid off the last of your debt it’s time to save like never before.  It may take you a few years, maybe even ten or 15, to save enough money to become financially independent but that’s better than 45 years!

Invest: This is where the magic is!  With the money you’ve saved, you can invest it into conservative investment vehicles which will pay you interest in fixed intervals over a specific length of time.  If you’ve saved and invested enough, this interest will cover all of your monthly expenses.  Now your money is working for you, not the other way around!

If you’d like to learn more about the process outlined above, I recommend checking out the book Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez.

Filed under Book Reviews, Budgeting, Career, Consumerism, Credit Cards, Debt, Emergency Fund, Employment, Family, Freedom, Frugality, Goals, Investing, Lifestyle Engineering, Money, Opportunity, Potential, Preparation, Prioritizing, Retirement, Savings, Spending

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