Why Social Networking Doesn’t Work

There are countless websites discussing the proper way of networking and how to use those contacts to your advantage.  For many people these tips are garbage.  On a very basic level, they may be useful but for the vast majority of folks, networking in the typical sense of the word doesn’t apply.

There are social groups which host events at which people get together for the sole purpose of meeting strangers in order to expand their “network”.  Introductions are made, hands are shook and business cards are exchanged.  The people participating in these events will add their new “contact” to their list for the possibility of needing that person for something in the future.

I don’t like that idea of networking.  It doesn’t work for me and I would guess that it doesn’t work for the vast majority of people.  There is something impersonal about all of this.  People collect contact information, make a note on the back of the card about who the person is and then if they ever need something from this person, they give them a call.

If there were someone with whom I had encountered in passing and then months later received a phone call from asking for a favor, I wouldn’t be inclined to help.  Maybe it is just me, but that isn’t what networking is all about.  In some circles this may be acceptable and expected, but I would rather form relationships with people, make friends and share hobbies and interests with people before I would consider asking them for any sort of favor or help.

The other day I was wasting time on Facebook and I realized that I had “friends” that I never talked to and hadn’t seen in years.  They were old classmates and though I had spoke with them in the past, I hadn’t in years and having them on Facebook didn’t seem necessary anymore.  Most networking advice would say that having a lot of connections on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn would be a great thing, something which is desirable.  Not I.  I began clicking the delete button and went from over 150 friends down to 30.  By some people’s standards, I had just committed social suicide.

I look at it differently.  Those 120 people who I deleted were not contacts.  They were not friends.  They were simply people with whom my path had crossed.  The 30 people left on my profile are people with whom I have real relationships and are part of my life in some way.  Just 1 of these 30 contacts is more meaningful and beneficial to me than all of the other 120 people combined because these are people that I know I could call up and ask for anything and they would do whatever they could in order to give their help, advice or time.

That is the beauty of the way I look at networking.  My idea of networking is forming relationships, bonds and connections, not just gathering as many phone numbers as I can in case I may need to make a cold call in time of need.  With my contacts, no matter how rough the seas may become during my journey of life, I know I can count on these people for anything.  Maybe in times like these it is time to reconsider our networking approach and get back to the basics of building friendships with people you have something in common with.

Here are some of my networking tips:

1) Introduce yourself- The first step to forming relationships is to introduce yourself.  A great way of doing this is through mutual friends.  You can also attend events which you are interested in and introduce yourself to people at these events.  You already know you have something in common, maybe a hobby or passion. 

2) Be a friend- If you want friends you need to be a friend.  What does it mean to be a friend?  See 3 and 4.

3) Spend time together- Once you have developed a connection with someone you need to take time to do something together.  Invite them over for a barbecue or organize a softball game at a local park.  Use a common interest or hobby as a reason to get together.

4) Give- Networking and making friends isn’t just about you and how you can benefit from the relationship.  You should be willing to lend a hand or offer advice in a time of need.  If you are only considering yourself, people will see through that and you will be left in the cold.

Networking isn’t about how many contacts you can collect, it is about how meaningful and lasting those connections are.  One good contact can be worth 100 poor contacts.  Not only will they help you in a time of need, but will also bring you companionship in life.