Have you ever known something but not understood what it meant?
The other night while I was lying in bed I began to think about life and ultimately, death. I was struck with the realization that I am going to die; someday. Since that night I have been overcome with an almost sick feeling and I haven’t been able to shake the thought that, in fact, I will die.
It isn’t that I will die that bothers me so much as the feeling of isolation that comes with the thought of death. When I pass over the threshold, I will leave behind everything and everyone that I have ever cared about. The thought of being physically trapped in a box buried beneath the ground goes against the spirit of my being and the thought of cremation seems morbid.
I have always rejected the thought of an afterlife, though now I find myself seeking comfort in the idea that there may be something more beyond my worldly existence. In a way, these thoughts are selfish. They serve only as a way to alleviate my fears of death.
I find myself struggling to accept death as a part of life. I know death is inescapable, that we were born into a game we cannot beat, yet I find myself trying to ignore reality. At the same time, this understanding is an awakening. So many people never realize that they have never actually lived until they are already at the end of their life.
With this knowledge, I will live my life as a gift not only every day but every moment. I will follow my heart, live ambitiously, love purely, share freely and give abundantly. Only then will I live life without the concern of death.
Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.