National Lampoon’s Cancún Vacation

I’ve never wanted to go to Cancún.

The only reason I’d even booked a trip to Cancún was to use it as a connection to Havana, Cuba. After some consideration, I decided against visiting Cuba. Not because I’m afraid of breaking an outdated law that restricts my freedom, but because I haven’t had a relaxing vacation in a while. Sitting on the beach sounded great. Of course, I couldn’t spend nine days lounging on the beach admiring beautiful women in bikinis (or less) walk past.

I needed to explore!

So what’s there to do in Cancún besides laying on the beach? If you’re willing to leave the Hotel Zone, Quintana Roo and Yucatán are filled with places to see! The best way to explore is to rent a car, and you can find them for about $25 a day. Check online for the best deals!

Our first day trip outside of Cancún was to Chichen Itza. If you have time to spare, stay off Hwy 180D. Highway 180D is a toll road that only the tourists drive on. There’s nothing to see, and no cities to drive through…in other words, it’s boring. Sure, you can drive 120 kilometers an hour, and roundtrip you’ll save an hour, but it’ll cost you $40. Take Hwy 180, see the rural communities, and save yourself some cash.

Be warned, there are hordes of people at Chichen Itza trying to sell souvenirs. The problem isn’t that they’re trying to sell souvenirs, but that they’re all selling exactly the same thing. As you walk around admiring the ruins, people repeatedly ask you to buy something for your mother-in-law. It detracts from the overall experience, and makes it difficult to enjoy your time at one of the most amazing places on the planet.

We also visited Tulum, another Mayan ruin about an hour south of Cancún. While smaller than Chichen Itza, the location is spectacular! The temples sit atop a limestone cliff overlooking white sand beaches and turquoise waters. Be sure to bring your bathing suit, and take a swim at one of the most beautiful places in the world!

If you’ve only got time to visit one of these places, my recommendation is Tulum. You won’t be bothered by people trying to sell you souvenirs and admission is cheap. The view is incredible, the iguanas are abundant, and the beach is refreshing!

For a couple of days, we hung out on the beaches of Playa del Carmen.

Compared to Cancún, the beaches in Playa del Carmen are better, in my opinion. What makes them better? You can get to them. The beaches in Cancún are located behind huge hotels, and once you’re on the beach (public access points are about 2 kilometers apart), getting off the beach is almost impossible, unless you’re willing to walk through expensive hotels (that you’re not staying at) with sandy feet. Even though all of Mexico’s beaches are Federal property, and you can park you ass in the sand anywhere you’d like, because the hotels have blocked access into or out of the beaches, people don’t have the same freedom they do in Playa del Carmen.

In Playa, you can walk down practically any road and get to a beach. You don’t have to hunt for public access points, and there aren’t hotels blocking access. The beaches in Playa are also wider than the beaches in Cancún, allowing more space to spread out. You won’t be piled on top of a stranger, unless you want to be!

The best part of Cancún isn’t Cancún at all, but Isla Mujeres, an island about 5 kilometers off the coast of Cancún.

Here you can rent a golf cart and cruise around the island. It takes about half an hour to drive all the way around the island, but it’s great fun! Be sure to stop at Playa Norte, a shallow stretch of sand that extends a few hundred meters into the water. Of all the beaches we visited, this was one of the best (though I did enjoy the beach at Tulum more because of its location.)

If you’re looking for affordable food, get out of the tourist areas.

We spent a lot of money eating, but we did find a few places with delicious food for about $5 a person (including beverages.) Look for local establishments where locals are eating. These places have excellent food and even better prices. Restaurants in the tourist zone are overpriced, and the quality of the food isn’t really that great.

After seeing Señor Frog’s on other Caribbean islands, I finally decided to see what all the hype was about. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and was very uncomfortable the entire time. Even though the food was pretty good, I was ready to leave even before our food was on the table. If you’re looking for a quiet dinner setting, you won’t find it here. Expect to have your servers joke around with you in sexually suggestive ways, and try to pour alcohol down your throat! It’s a scene best for party people…which I’m not.

My last piece of advice is to avoid swimming in the lagoon. There are crocodiles in there. Once I started looking for them, I found them every day. So, when you take that slide into the lagoon at Señor Frog’s, remember what I’ve told you…

Check out the photos from my trip to Mexico!!!