What Does the Future Hold?
September 10, 2011 24 Comments
In just over three months I’ll graduate from college…
And I’m scared to death about what comes next. For years I’ve thought my next step would be to join the Peace Corps. I’ve submitted my application, had my interview, and just finished up my medical and dental reviews. All that’s left is to mail the envelope. But I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of being rejected. And I’m afraid of being accepted…
It isn’t being there (wherever “there” is…right now it’s Africa, but that could change) that I’m afraid of. It’s not being here that bothers me the most. It’s what I’ll miss out on while I’m gone. It’s what I’ll have to sacrifice to leave; particularly graduate school, and my relationship.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I’d like my life to be, and reaching any sort of definitive conclusion has been a real challenge for me. Next month I turn 29 and I feel like I’m running out of time to “fool around.” I’m already thinking about settling down, adopting children, and being “responsible.”
And so I’m left with the question of whether the Peace Corps is the “next step” in life, or if graduate school is the better option? I’ve always wanted to do both, but obviously I can’t do them at the same time. And in some ways, I feel like the Peace Corps would prevent me from moving forward, like I’d have to put my entire life on hold for two years.
I’ve been going back and forth trying to make the right decision, and as difficult as it is to “give up” on a dream, I think graduate school might be the next step in my life. It’s the choice that I feel would build the strongest foundation for my future. And even though I may not be joining the Peace Corps right now, it doesn’t mean I won’t some time in the future…or that I won’t change my mind yet again…and again, and again…
What are your thoughts? What do you think is the right choice?
About Steven
You still have time to figure out what path is right for you. I wouldn’t start stressing now. I understand your thoughts on the Peace Corps holding you back but I think that it would be an incredible opportunity for you. What are Erin’s thoughts on it?
As I started to read your post I thought “do it, do it, go through with the Peace Corps.” But then you reminded me that you’re not a 22 year old college graduate, which, to me, does make a difference. As I continued and finished I thought of my own decision and how it needs to be the one you want to live with.
It’s a totally tough decision, and only one that you can make. I think I’ve told you before that I thought I was ready to (finally) do the Peace Corps thing (I was 28 at the time), in the middle of my medical paperwork, told they had a position they wanted me to fill somewhere in Asia (and it was my Scuba background they loved…I could have been diving the reefs of the South Pacific! or some murky polluted river inland….) and then I met Matt. He seemed so promising that I realized maybe he was the change in life I was currently seeking. Obviously I chose the path with him and here we are 3.5 years later and recently married. I did bail out with the thought of maybe someday….like when we retire and maybe it will be a couples thing. Now, I have no clue where life is going to take me. I don’t regret my decision, and as much as I wonder if that assignment was on the coral reefs or up a dingy river, it’s probably best not to know.
@Elle: Erins’ more comfortable with me staying, but she’s not holding me back. Actually, I still plan on following through and submitting the paperwork, just to see if they make me an offer. If so, then I’ll REALLY have to make a choice. This is something I’ve been mulling over for a while now, and have flip-flopped back and forth on numerous times. Even TODAY I’ve said one thing, then changed my mind, so I guess all of this is subject to change.
@Sharon: Yes, I think it would be a lot easier if I were younger, but when you start reaching the age where you are thinking about family, relationships, a career, etc., it really makes the decision more challenging. And like you mentioned, it’s something that can be done later in life. And if Erin and I decide to marry, something we can possibly do together, which would make it that much more enjoyable.
There’s a lot to think about, and I wish it were an easy decision to make. I’ll be keeping everyone updated over the next few months.
It’s understandable to have second thoughts. Two years can be a long time away from everyone and everything. But have you thought about what you may miss out on if you don’t do the Peace Corps? Maybe finding and talking with someone who’s already volunteered with the Peace Corps can give you some better prospective about your apprehension.
I think both options are great and it’s impressive that you’re even in this position! :)
Jen: I agree that it’s natural to have second thoughts, and I’ve been wondering if this isn’t just the normal progression of things when making huge, life-changing decisions. Even on small decisions I tend to question myself, or have doubts…so maybe this is just another moment of questioning myself.
But it really is scary as hell to think that I’d give up everything to move to Africa for two years. And trying to make a relationship work during that time would be so hard. I almost feel like I’d have to give Erin a pass for those two years! Haha! It’d be pretty lonely.
I’m going to keep struggling with this until I make a final decision. And it’s going to be an internal struggle of epic proportions until that day!
It’s a lot to consider. I hope you listen to your heart (and your head) and make the decision that is best for you. Best of luck, and looking forward to hearing of your progress! :)
What are you planning to study in grad school? I doubt you’d go to the Peace Corp after that.
@moom: Environmental Science, same as my undergrad. I’d specialize in some area, just not sure in what yet. If I went this route, the Peace Corps would no doubt be years/decades away as I’d want to get started in my career (and get out of debt.) But still, I think at some point it’s something I’d ultimately end up doing.
Hi Steven,
You can do both! Check out Peace Corps Masters International.
http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn.whyvol.eduben.mastersint
There is a surprising number of volunteers serving in Senegal that are getting their Masters Degree at the same time. And the funding at most partner schools is usually very generous (so you don’t have to worry about debt).
Good luck with your decision.
@Melanie: That’s something that I’ve considered, though at this point it might be a little late in the game as I’ve already applied to the Peace Corps and would be scheduled to leave around April. I can’t even apply to grad school until then. And really, I’m not sure that the MI program would save a lot of time as I’d still have 27 months in the PC and at least 1.5 years of grad classes. So, it’d save a little time (if I could get into both right away, which I can’t.)
As for the money, I guess I’m not very familiar with what’s offered. I hope that my grades are good enough to get some sort of grants or scholarships, and if I can get involved in some type of research project that’s paid, that would help as well.
Thanks for dropping by and weighing in. I hope to see you around the blog in the future!
I can understand that making a decision can be very hard. I’m 35 right now and know that you’d better realize big dreams before you get a job, a mortgage and maybe kids. I think your biggest fear is that you’ll have to leave (Erin) for 2 years, not knowing what you’ll get in return. If grad school is something you’d like to do, I’d say go for it. And once you’ve finished school you could still do shorter volunteer projects -for instance help street kids in Brazil for a couple of months- instead of joining the Peace Corps. Erin could join you and if it’s something that you really enjoyed you could take on another volunteer project and see more of the world as well.
But those are just my thoughts :) I hope you’ll come to a decision, good luck!
@Natasja: I think you’re right. Doing something like this NOW as opposed to after finding a career, kids, etc. is a lot simpler (not necessarily easier.) And Erin is definitely the biggest concern I have. Her opinion on this issue is just as important as my own. She’s never been anything but supportive of my desire to go to the PCs, even though I know she’d rather I stayed. We’re continuing to talk, trying to figure out how we would be able to see each other, and just how to make this work if I do decide to go. Thanks for your thoughts, I’m really enjoying all the different perspectives. They’re helping me figure things out!
Tough choice Steven. I say do what your gut tells you. Yeah, you want to go to Peace Corps because you’ve wanted to do it for so long- but what’s your gut telling you? Stay home & get your life on the right track? Then do it. Because if you get stuck in a 2 year stint with the PC and come back regretful, that’ll even worse. Like you said, there can be other opportunities for the PC if that feels more RIGHT in the future for you. But you won’t be able to re-do those two years and see what “could have been” if you leave everything behind.
Good luck! :)
@Melissa: I don’t think I’ll ever regret joining the Peace Corps, and in all honesty, I’m more inclined to believe that if I DON’T go, I’ll regret that decision far more. Erin and I are talking about it a lot lately, and trying to figure out how/when we’d be able to see each other if I do decide to go.
Yesterday I was fairly confident I wasn’t going, today I think I might. I think this is going to be something I waffle on until I need to make a final decision. It’s a huge decision, easily the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to make decision about. Usually I’m really good at comitting to something, but this is scary. I’m afraid of losing everything in the process, and I need to know that the risk is worth the reward. I think it is, but then again, I’m not sure.
Stay tuned! This story is far from over!
I’d say don’t go if there is any risk of losing Erin, but it seems she’s very supportive (which makes it even more scarier to lose her right?)
You can still do volunteering for shorter periods of time once you get settled down or like you did last year in Taiji.
I think the risk of losing Erin is pretty low, unless I turn into a complete asshole between now and the time I leave. That’s not to say it isn’t a possibility, but I think it’s a risk I’d be willing to take. The worst part is just being away from each other for that long. I guess I’m less concerned with the relationship going south than I am of just being apart for that long. And you’re right, there would always be opportunities for shorter periods of time, but I’m not sure my lifestyle is very conducive for that as I’ll probably end up with a 9 to 5 ’til I die. I guess I really don’t know what’s to come beyond the next 4 or 5 years…and maybe that’s why making this decision has been so complicated.
I think if you want to do both, do the Peace Corps now. Do it while you’re young(er) and have less responsibilities. You can do Graduate School anytime/more flexibility to do that when you have other things going on.
I agree with Jessica, if you really want to do the Peace Corp go for it now. After you have responsibilities of the “real” world such as children, marriage and a full time job, your opportunities to do such things are very, very, very slim. 2 years will fly by, and at 31-32 you will still have lots of time for graduate school and forming a family.
@Jessica & Carola: I agree…which is why making this decision is so hard for me. I still haven’t ruled out the possibility of going. Actually, I still have to be made an offer, so it’s not entirely my decision at this point. If I don’t get an offer, I’ve been worried over nothing. But if I am accepted, and do get an offer…then a decision must be made.
At this point, I believe both options to be good, and I’m again leaning towards the Peace Corps as the best option. The experience that I’d gain would be amazing, and I’m not sure there’d be another type of opportunity that could replace such an experience. It’d change me in ways I can’t even imagine, and the benefits to my future…well, I’m sure they’re great! If nothing else, it’d give me the “Real World” experience for potential jobs that right now, I just don’t have (and won’t get in grad school.)
THAT, and after my service, the PC helps pay for grad school…and that’s a pretty big deal. Especially if I’m waffling over whether to do it now, or after grad school. Why pay for grad school myself, then go to the PC when I could’ve done it in the reverse, and they’ll help pay for school?
Obviously I have a lot to think about if I get an offer. Right now, though, I’m thinking PC first.
Well what do you want to do once you have the grad degree? You don’t have to be “stuck” in a “9-5 job”. I’ve travelled a lot and lived in several countries since I got my masters degree (the next stop was a PhD in the US – now I am a professor in Australia in economics/environmental management). I think you should try to build a career where you achieve the kind of things that attract you to the Peace Corp. Why do that for 2 years and then have a “boring” life that you don’t want?
I don’t think I’ll ever have a boring life. Well, I hope not…I’m doing all I can to avoid that! As far as what I’d like to do once I’m finished with grad school? That’s a really tough question to answer. But realistically, I suppose it’s a question I should have an answer to, because if I don’t, I can’t really justify going to grad school. To be honest, what’s most important to me is being able to live lightly. But that’s right now, and who knows what will happen in 5 or 10 years. I suppose within the next decade I’ll be settling in, becoming a parent, hopefully building something (creatively) that I’m proud of. But I think you’re right in finding something to do as a career that I’m attracted to. The reason I decided to get my degree in Environmental Science is because I love it. I’m interested in it, and I feel like it fits exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life (in a general way.) I can’t say that I want to do X when I graduate, but I can tell you that whatever X is, it’ll be related to the environment.
Steve, you have a really wonderful life with a wonderful woman. I know the two of you have been discussing this for a while . Not being able to be with the people you love hurts more than any pain I have ever felt. To join The Peace Corp would be a very brave thing for anyone, to adopt a child and settle down also a very brave move. I believe you would be a wonderful parent as would Erin. I know you will make the best decision in the long run. I miss everyone.
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