Maybe you’ve noticed that it’s been quiet around Hundred Goals recently.
I’m supposed to be in Paraguay saving the world. Life had other plans for me. Instead of a Peace Corps volunteer, I’m an epileptic. I had my first seizure five days before my departure for Paraguay and because of this I’ve been placed on medical hold for a year. Maybe I should rephrase that, as it’s not entirely accurate; to be medically cleared to become a Peace Corps volunteer, I have to be seizure-free for a year. Since I had my second seizure (officially making me an epileptic) just a few nights ago, I’ve reset the clock.
But I haven’t let not leaving for Paraguay stop me from making other changes in my life.
I’ve decided to end my relationship with Erin. It was a decision I made after years of feeling emotionally sedated and after having spent those same years trying to convince myself that I would eventually fall in love with her. I’ve realized that love isn’t something you can force yourself into feeling. And love is something we all deserve; both to love and to be loved. She deserves better than I was capable of giving her.
Leaving Erin meant finding a place of my own to live. After being homeless for a while (but thanks to friends, never without a place) I found an apartment on the other side of town where I and my few belongings now reside. It doesn’t feel like home. It might not for a long time…
And I’ve met someone new. I’ve known her for a while but we only recently began having a relationship. I can already feel myself falling for her and I know that as time goes on I will only fall further in love than I am already. Intellectually it feels strange being in love so soon after leaving a relationship, but emotionally it couldn’t feel more perfect … and I think that’s exactly how love is supposed to be. The mind only complicates matters of the heart.
As I adjust to my new life, I expect to remain a bit reclusive. I’m enjoying my time away from the digital world…
Some people only ever talk about changing their lives. I’m doing it.