Intermission Zen

Intermission

Maybe you’ve noticed that it’s been quiet around Hundred Goals recently.

I’m supposed to be in Paraguay saving the world. Life had other plans for me. Instead of a Peace Corps volunteer, I’m an epileptic. I had my first seizure five days before my departure for Paraguay and because of this I’ve been placed on medical hold for a year. Maybe I should rephrase that, as it’s not entirely accurate; to be medically cleared to become a Peace Corps volunteer, I have to be seizure-free for a year. Since I had my second seizure (officially making me an epileptic) just a few nights ago, I’ve reset the clock.

But I haven’t let not leaving for Paraguay stop me from making other changes in my life.

I’ve decided to end my relationship with Erin. It was a decision I made after years of feeling emotionally sedated and after having spent those same years trying to convince myself that I would eventually fall in love with her. I’ve realized that love isn’t something you can force yourself into feeling. And love is something we all deserve; both to love and to be loved. She deserves better than I was capable of giving her.

Leaving Erin meant finding a place of my own to live. After being homeless for a while (but thanks to friends, never without a place) I found an apartment on the other side of town where I and my few belongings now reside. It doesn’t feel like home. It might not for a long time…

And I’ve met someone new. I’ve known her for a while but we only recently began having a relationship. I can already feel myself falling for her and I know that as time goes on I will only fall further in love than I am already. Intellectually it feels strange being in love so soon after leaving a relationship, but emotionally it couldn’t feel more perfect … and I think that’s exactly how love is supposed to be. The mind only complicates matters of the heart.

As I adjust to my new life, I expect to remain a bit reclusive. I’m enjoying my time away from the digital world…

Some people only ever talk about changing their lives. I’m doing it.

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5 thoughts on “Intermission

  1. Wow. A powerfully honest update. It’s great to hear that your setback with the Peace Corps isn’t stopping you from making positive decisions and moving forward. All the best with your new relationship and I hope you remain seizure-free so you can achieve your dream in a years time…

  2. First of- WHOA. Everything with Paraguay? REALLY? That is so insane, I mean really. Good for you for making the changes in your life that you deserve. I’m happy to be reading that you’re happy, or working towards it! Keep us posted a little more, we miss you in the blog world :)

  3. You’ve had a lot going on recently. Wow, getting a seizure a few days before leaving for another country. That just sucks. And breaking up with a girl is hard too. But like you said, you’re changing your life. It sounds like you have an upbeat and positive attitude going despite all that is going on. I hope you can make it through one year seizure-free so you can get to Paraguay. Enjoy your time away from the digital world, but come back soon.

  4. Pingback: Who I Am? « Hundred Goals | Inspiration to Live Your Dream

  5. I feel you on taking an absence from the digital world-it’s certainly what I’ve been doing for the last year or so. Where ever you are and what ever you are doing, just continue to seek happiness. It’s really the only reason we’re here.

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