Don’t be Such a Chickenshit

May 14, 2012 2 Comments

Sound familiar?

“I can’t do that because I can’t afford it.”

Or, “I’ve got bills to pay.”

And, “I need a place to live…and food to eat. Those things aren’t free!”

Oh, the excuses we make. The truth is, these aren’t the things that are holding you back.

Not really.

Making excuses is just our way of protecting ourselves from the unfamiliar. The reason your life isn’t how you want it to be has nothing to do with any of the excuses you’ve been telling yourself about why it’s not. The reason you aren’t doing what you want with your life is because you’re afraid. And as long as you have a reason why you can’t do something, there’s no need to face your fears.

You’re a chickenshit.

It’s scary to take risks. What if you fail? What will you do if you try something and it doesn’t work out?

Doing what you want, as opposed to what you’ve been told (either directly or indirectly), is difficult. It’s scary. People will think you’re crazy, and they’ll do everything they can to “bring you back to your senses.” They’ll tell you to be “practical.” Do you want to be perfectly ordinary like those people who want to bring you back to “reality?” I didn’t think so. To hell with those people! Surround yourself with people who lift you up, and who will support you and your dreams.

Whatever the excuse you’ve been using to keep yourself from living the life you desire, defeat it. Overcome the obstacles you’ve created in your life, and start plotting, planning, and scheming…always be looking for ways to accomplish your goals. The world is a beautiful and magical place, not dangerous and scary like the TV wants you to believe. Sure, bad shit happens. But I’ve noticed that when I turn the TV off, a lot of good shit happens.

Step out of your comfort zone. Get dirty. Look like a fool. Make mistakes.

A while ago I wrote about my “struggle” to decide if I should join the Peace Corps. I was trying to rationalize why it’d be best for me to stay. What I should’ve said was, “Hey everyone! I’m afraid! Terrified, actually…” because that’s exactly what it was all about. I’ve wanted to join the Peace Corps for years, but that means my life, my happy little (read: comfortable) life, is going to be flipped upside down, and nothing will ever be the same. That’s pretty fucking scary.

But life’s not always going to be easy, and at times things are going to be scary. If I’m not able to confront those fears and destroy them, I’m going to end up mediocre…extraordinarily ordinary. That’s not what I want with my life. I wouldn’t be happy shuffling papers all day for a paycheck. That’s not who I am, and I don’t think that’s who most people are.

I believe most people, if they felt like they had the option, would chase after their dreams. But we’re locked into our lives, and feel like there’s no escape. And it doesn’t help that society does everything in its power to keep people in their place. There’s a certain protocol that we must follow. And if we don’t, all hell will break loose.

Or so we think.

If you’re looking for a way out, the key to the cage is inside of you. You’re the one who built the cage. Anything that’s holding you back is within your power to change.

Change it.

Filed under Attitude

24 Hours

May 28, 2011 3 Comments

“If you only had twenty-four hours left to live, what would you do?”

It’s one of those hypothetical questions people often ask themselves (or others) to determine whether they’re following their hearts, living their passions, or leaving a meaningful impact. At the end of our lives, we want to be able to look back over the years with a sense of accomplishment, of having made a difference. We want to be remembered for the good we brought to others.

The other day I was asked that question: “If you only had twenty-four hours to live…”

As much as we might wish it weren’t true, we all reach a point in our lives where we’re left with only twenty-four hours to live. And right now, there are people making plans for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today…

It’s cliché to say “Live each moment like it’s your last,” and there are hundreds of similar phrases, all telling us the same thing. But rare are the moments when we actually pause to appreciate how fortunate we are to have been able to grace this strange and wonderful planet, to have had the opportunity to leave a mark. Too often we’re caught up in the minutiae of daily life to acknowledge just how blessed we really are simply to be able to take in this breath at exactly this moment.

A diagnosis, an accident, an undetected medical problem…in an instant, life can (and eventually will) change for each of us. And while we’re all planning for a bright future ahead, some of us won’t be there to see it. None of us are promised a tomorrow. Are you living your life today like you might not see tomorrow? Because you just never know…you might not.

Appreciate your gift.

Filed under Attitude, Behavior, Life, Philosophy, Prioritizing

That’s the Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Heard!

March 16, 2011 5 Comments

No one wants to be told they’re fucking up, that their idea sucks, or that they’re going to fail. We’d like to think we always know what’s best for us, and that we’re more than capable of accomplishing anything we set our minds to. Afterall, haven’t we always been told we can be or do whatever we want? That all we have to do is try…

So why all the hate?

No matter who you are, as long as you’re doing something out of the ordinary, there’ll be someone (or a group of people) that criticizes your every move. They will tell you you’re doing it wrong or complain about how you’re doing what you’re doing, claiming they’d do it so much better than you.

But they’re not. They’re not the one out there doing it. You are!

And people make mistakes. It’s easy for someone to sit back and watch you fail, only to point their finger and say, “I told you so.” We hang our heads in shame, knowing they’re right. They did tell us we’d fail from the beginning. How could we have ever been so stupid to think that we’d actually succeed?

But what about all the times when you didn’t fail? If all someone ever tells you is that you’re going to fail, or that you’re making a mistake, of course they’ll be right once in a while. Hell, even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. So, what about those times that you didn’t fail?

No matter what you do in life, no matter how hard you try to do what you think is right, someone will be there to tell you it’s a bad idea, and that you’ll fail. Maybe they’re right. Maybe you will fail. But if you never try in the first place, isn’t that a failure just the same?

I’ve made a lot of mistakes.

I make them everyday. I say and do things I regret and I regret things I don’t say or do. I offend people. I hurt people’s feelings. But I also do a lot of things right in a day. And so, while I walk through my life making mistakes, I also do my best to bring positive energy to the world, to help people in need, and fight for what I believe is right. I couldn’t do any of that without fucking up from time to time.

Why is it so difficult to see ourselves?

And while it might seem that critics are the wrong type of people to have around, they might just be your strongest weapon. When you have people telling you that you’re making mistakes, listen to them. They’re probably on to something. When you live with yourself all your life, sometimes it’s hard to realize when you’re doing something wrong, or making mistakes.

“You can’t smell your own shit on your knees.” ~ Marilyn Manson

Pay attention to your critics, but try not to let them get you down. Use them instead to create a better you. Keep doing what you’re doing, fight for what you believe in, keep making mistakes, and grow.

Filed under Attitude, Philosophy, Success

How to Give Your Life Meaning

October 26, 2010 Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I wrote an article called Kim Kardashian’s Ass because I was frustrated with the lack of concern in our society for anything that doesn’t have boobs or isn’t Justin Bieber.  Now “Kim Kardashian Ass” has become the top Google Search people are using to find my blog.  I hope they read the article.

When I look at the people around me, I see, in Thoreau’s words, “a mass of men lead[ing] lives of quiet desperation,” each of us concerned exclusively on our own prerogatives.  We’re absorbed in a life of inflated importance; a life in which we’re the only person that matters.  We never stop to question the way things are, what we’re doing or how our actions might affect someone else or future generations.  “Fuck everyone else.”

I wonder what my generation is going to be remembered for.  What will our legacy be?

We must overcome the notion that we must be regular.  It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary and leads you to the mediocre. ~ Uta Hagen

Our lives revolve around keeping our 500 Facebook friends in the loop with our clever status updates: “Hey baby. Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo ’til I Google all over your Facebook?”   We’ve got better things to worry about than our soldiers on the other side of the planet who are dying in the dirt for cheap oil.  More important things like  The Biggest Loser and Dog the Bounty Hunter.  You know…reality.

If you’re searching for a way to bring meaning to your life, find ways of giving yourself to others.  Until you share your energy with the rest of the world, your existence is irrelevant and of little consequence to anyone else.  You must become part of something bigger than yourself; something that benefits other people, other places and future generations.

Wouldn’t you rather your life be an inspiration which motivates people to do something great with their own lives than to exist for no other reason than your own benefit?

Filed under Attitude, Inspiration, Prioritizing

…the World Needs You!

October 18, 2010 2 Comments

Often I’ll hear someone talking about how they wish they could solve the many problems in this world.  Their concerns sound genuine and heartfelt; “It’s so terrible what’s happening in Africa!  Those poor children, I wish there was something I could do.”

They wish there was something they could do, but…

…the money, the time, my family…job, house, school.  It isn’t our fault we can’t save the world…just look at our list of responsibilities!  They’re the reason!!!   We scroll through the archive in our mind, finding countless reasons why we can’t, each a reminder that we have other priorities and obligations that need to be met.  We convince ourselves that it just isn’t possible to escape the commitments.  It doesn’t take long before we’re using our excuses as a waiver of liability. 

Even though we want to help, somehow we’re comforted in knowing that we can’t.  It was a nice thought, anyway.

Have you ever thought to ask yourself whether or not that long list of ”responsibilities” isn’t really just a fairy tale?  A bunch of lies that you tell yourself so you’ll never need to deviate from the routine or step outside your comfort zone?  Let me ask you this: if you’re afraid to expand your horizons and challenge yourself to move beyond your comfort zone, are you really living…or simply existing?

When I hear people trying to justify why they can’t [whatever], I think about the people who can, who are and who did.  What if Martin Luther King, Jr had said “I have a dream, but…”, or if Gandhi never was the change he wished to see in the world?  What if all the people who ever changed the world, hadn’t?

All around us are everyday people doing extraordinary things.  Maybe you’ve heard of Albert Lexie, or maybe you haven’t.  He earns $10 an hour shining shoes.  Since 1982, Albert has donated all of his tip money to the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburg…more than $150,000.  Albert is only one example of countless people across the world whose actions could inspire a nation.  Each day people are being the change.  They, too, have a dream…

How would your life change if you were to quit making excuses?

Instead of just wishing there was something you could do to help the people of the world, without any excuses holding you back you are free to dig wells in Africa so the people can have access to clean drinking water.  If Africa isn’t your thing, you can volunteer at a soup kitchen in your own city and help feed the hungry.  Get involved!  Don’t waste another moment wishing you could help.

It’s time to quit making excuses, not only for yourself but for the world.  We need you!

Filed under Attitude, Behavior, Freedom, Goals, Happiness, Inspiration, Motivation, Opportunity, Passion, Potential, Prioritizing

In the Blink of an Eye

October 11, 2010 2 Comments

Do you care so passionately about something that you’d give up everything to chase after it?

Would you sacrifice the creature comforts of your everyday life or challenge the strength of a relationship?  Could you walk away from a stable career, even if it meant losing the assurance of a steady paycheck?  In the blink of an eye, could you turn your back on life as you now know it to risk turning it into one that dreams are made of?

Most people wouldn’t.

Not because they can’t but because it’s hard.  So many things could go wrong.  It’s far more reasonable (and safe) to stay the course with the life we’ve already created for ourselves.  Life-altering change isn’t something most of us actively seek out.  It’s one of those things that smacks us in the face when we least expect it.

Someone we love dies.  We discover that our partner has been unfaithful.  Maybe we lose our job without warning.

When these things happen, we have a decision to make; either we ignore the problems or we rise to the occasion and turn tragedy into triumph.  But why should we wait for our lives to be flipped head over heals before we become active participants in our destiny?  Why slog through yet another day ignoring our dreams and suffocating our passions.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

The Rulebook of Life doesn’t exist and you don’t need permission from anyone to live life on your own terms.  There’s no reason to spend the rest of your time here on Earth doing something that doesn’t bring you satisfaction or give your life meaning. 

It may not seem like it, but each day we have a choice to make.  Either we can put the right shoe on before the left, just as we always do, and live a repeat of yesterday or we can wake up and make magic happen.

“But I don’t really have a choice and besides, change isn’t practical.”

You do have a choice.  We all do.  The door to life isn’t locked, you just need to give it a little push and it will swing wide open.  No one else can do that for you.  And maybe change isn’t practical, but tell me, what practical person ever influenced history?  It’s the people who took risks and had big dreams that changed the world…will you be one of them?

These are your days, make the most of them.

Filed under Attitude, Goals, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle Engineering, Motivation, Opportunity, Passion, Potential, Prioritizing

I Wish I Could Do That

October 9, 2010 7 Comments

I’d like to discuss a passage from Chris Guillebeau’s book The Art of Non-Conformity:

Almost every time I head out on an international trip, I end up talking with someone who expresses an interest in doing the same thing.  Their statement is usually something like “Wow! I wish I could do that.”

Here’s the thing: I realize that there are plenty of people out there who are not able to travel or make the same choices I can.  Having lived in the poorest countries in the world for four years, I know many of them personally.  Most of the people I interact with now, however, as well as most of the readers of this book, don’t fit into that category.  The people I talk with now who tell me they “wish” they could do something but feel unable have usually made a number of choices that prevent them from doing what they wish.  They have chosen to prioritize other things above their stated desire.

Some of them, I’ve noticed, can even seem a bit resentful of those who step out in a different direction.  When I offered to help a friend plan an upcoming trip to Europe, she eagerly accepted.  But then she said, “You know, not all of us can just take off and fly around the world like you do.”  I laughed it off and helped her anyway, but her offhand remark stayed with me after our conversation had ended.  As I thought about it later, I realized that the statement reflected a common form of jealousy.  This friend made more than $80,000 a year and certainly could have afforded to travel anywhere she wanted, but it wasn’t her priority.

As you begin making more and more of your own choices, you’ll encounter feedback like this fairly often.  Many people are uncomfortable with change and different ideas, and they’ll work hard at rationalizing their own choices when they come across someone who has made different ones.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing for someone to prioritize a life around working at the office and buying things for their home.  I’m just suggesting that they openly acknowledge that as the priority.

I’ve heard the same comments.  “How can you afford to travel so much?” and ”I wish I could travel like you do.”  Each time Erin and I would announce plans for our next trip, we’d hear all the same questions again and again.  Like Chris, at the time of the conversation, we’d laugh them off but also like Chris, the words stuck with us and after a while, even though we wanted to share our excitement, we felt as though we were being criticized for our decision to travel and stopped telling people about our upcoming plans.

When people first asked us how we could afford to travel, I tried explaining to them that our priority is travel, everything else is secondary.  Eventually it dawned on me that these people don’t want to know how I can afford to travel.  They don’t care about frugality or avoiding debt and, as Chris points out, they’re just jealous.

Our decision to live life on our own terms is something that many people cannot understand.  Shouldn’t we be getting married, having children and buying a house?  That isn’t the path that either of us is interested in taking at this point in our lives.  We want to see the world and experience all that it has to offer.  “Nine to five ’til ya die” isn’t the motto I wish to live my life by.

I’ve said in the past that we should pursue our goals ruthlessly and without apologies but that seems hypocritical while I sit in silence, afraid to share my excitement with the world about my upcoming adventures.  I will not apologize any longer for living my life by my rules.

The other day when I was talking about doing handstands, I eluded to upcoming travels but left you wondering where they might be.  The fact of the matter is, at that time, we weren’t comfortable sharing our plans.  The comments, the questions…they get old after a while.  Today, after reading the above passage from Chris’ book, I really don’t care anymore what anyone thinks about my life and my choices.  Erin and I are doing what makes us happy.

And we’re going to Europe in January!

We’ll arrive in Paris on New Year’s Eve to watch the fireworks in front of the Eiffel Tower and from there we don’t have any plans for two weeks.  We’re in the process of negotiating an “itinerary” but haven’t made any commitments.  The only reservations we’ve made are in Paris for the holiday weekend.  After that, we’re going wherever the wind may take us and I’ll be doing handstands all over Europe!

Next time someone asks me how I can afford to travel, maybe I’ll ask them a question of my own: “How can you not afford it?”

Filed under Attitude, Freedom, Life, Prioritizing

Kim Kardashian’s Ass

October 2, 2010 1 Comment

This article isn’t about Kim Kardashian’s ass.  Her and her ass are just my reference point to our dysfunction as a society.  It seems that our attention is perpetually focused on trivial, unimportant things…shit, for a lack of a better word.  Leonardo DiCaprio, Lady Gaga, Oprah, Ricky Martin’s sexuality, Paris Hilton’s sex tape, Pamela Anderson’s sex tape, Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, Kendra’s sex tape, Keeley Hazel’s sex tape, Lindsey Lohan’s drug problem and Tiger Woods’ whore problem…a bunch of shit that no one really ought to care about.  Oh, I almost forgot Heidi Montag’s boob job…the controversy that created!

We’re so obsessed with Hollywood and celebrities that we ignore the world around us.  Reality TV has become a substitution for actual reality.  Our conversations revolve around who was voted off the island last night, not the atrocities taking place this very moment in Darfur.  The scandals on American Idol are of more concern to us than the dolphins being slaughtered in Taiji, Japan.  And did you hear that the Jonas brothers aren’t wearing their purity rings anymore!?  OMG!

The problem isn’t so much that we care about celebrities, it’s that we don’t care about the other things that actually matter.  Why?  Why don’t we give a shit?  As much as I hate to admit it, I get it.  I understand why we ignore the problems of the world and fill our thoughts with superficial garbage.

It’s easier. 

Looking at pictures of celebrities in bikinis is much more enjoyable than looking at pictures of babies starving to death or whales being brutalized.  Watching Josh Hartnett make love to a beautiful girl in the movies allows us to escape into a fantasy world but the bad things don’t get better by ignoring them.  The children are still starving.  By the time you finish reading this sentence, another child has died.  Climate change will happen whether you believe it or not.  Governments will continue to oppress their people.  Today wars are fought for oil and tomorrow, water.

But what difference can you make anyways?   You’re but one person in a sea of billions.  Your voice is no louder than the next person’s.  You and I may never change the world alone but if we stand together with hundreds, thousands or even millions of others just like us, we do have the power to be the catalysts of change.  Together, no longer are our voices small and meek but instead become a thunderous roar, one united voice, loud enough to move mountains.

“We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” ~Gandhi

It’s time to forget about Kim Kardashian’s ass and unite to fight for what we believe in and stand up against the injustices all around the world.  As for Paris Hilton’s sex tape…it wasn’t even that good.

Filed under Attitude, Prioritizing, Random Thoughts, Rants

Our Fear of Change

September 4, 2010 Leave a comment

Do you sometimes find yourself wondering how you ever ended up here?  Could you have done better?  Might things have been different, if only…the thoughts begin swirling around in your mind and soon you are second guessing the way your life has turned out. 

We all face moments of doubt; moments when we feel as though we’ve diverged from our path.  One morning we might wake up only to realize that we are in the midst of a journey we never should have been on in the first place.  In our moments of doubt we feel vulnerable; uncertain and insecure about where we are, wondering where it all might have went wrong…and it paralyzes us.

We’re afraid to change.  Not because we don’t want to change but because change is uncomfortable.  Finding the courage to make a major life-altering change is like trying to find the cojones to ask out the prettiest girl in school.  As much as you want to go on a date with her, it’s practically impossible to work up the nerve to introduce yourself (while not making a complete ass of yourself in the process).  The same is true for changing your life.  It is hard, it will be scary and you may even question your sanity at times.

Day after day we go through the motions of life.  We know something in our life isn’t right and despite our recognition that something is amiss, we shield ourselves from the truth. We try hiding behind the little lies we all tell ourselves; that things will get better, that he will change, that I’ll be promoted if only I work more hours…

We tell ourselves these things because we’re afraid to say “Screw it!”

We’re scared to quit, to cut our losses and move on to something else.  Afterall, we’ve invested so much time, money and effort into it that moving on would mean all our energy has been for naught.  So a relationship that has long ago soured lingers only because of the fond memories you once shared.  A bad investment stays in your portfolio because you can’t bear to take a loss, all the while its value continues to plummet.  And that degree in computer science that promised riches…well, rich you may be but happy you are not.

We must overcome the fears that strangle our dreams.  It’s time to be honest with yourself, say “Screw it!” and move forward.  Things change, people change, values change, beliefs change.  Life is dynamic.  Embrace change with an open heart.  The time, energy and money are all gone.  You will never be able to get them back.  So ask yourself, is it really worth it to invest more into this or are you just beating a dead horse?

We’ve all heard the stories of people who find themselves on the verge of death only to come back a changed person.  They quit their jobs, divorce their husband and chase after their passions.  These people aren’t crazy.  They get it!  They understand that this life is all they are ever promised and even a moment of dissatisfaction is a moment too many.  Don’t go another day questioning your life.  Change it!  You might not be so lucky as to have a second chance to get things right.

Find your happiness.

Filed under Attitude, Inspiration, Prioritizing

Just Do It: Five Steps to Create the Life of Your Dreams

August 14, 2010 4 Comments

Now that I’ve moved away from my hometown, I use Facebook to keep my friends and family up to date on what I’m doing.  Whenever I travel somewhere or do something exciting (like skydiving or rock climbing) I post pictures of my adventures on my profile.  Almost every time I post a new photo album, someone leaves a comment about how they wish they could do the things that I do, claiming they don’t have the time, the money or that their responsibilities as a parent or employee hold them back.

They’re wrong! And if you think you don’t have the time or money, or that your obligations are limiting your opportunities, you’re wrong, too!  The only thing preventing anyone, including you, from doing anything is the willingness to make it happen; to Just DO It! The doors are open and opportunity awaits anyone willing to reach out and grab it.  There are no gatekeepers preventing you from living the life of your dreams. You don’t have to ask anyone for permission.  The world is your oyster!

How!? How can you begin living the life of your dreams…RIGHT NOW?

Make a Choice: What do you want out of life?  Do you dream of hiking the Appalachian Trail or living in a foreign country?  Whatever your desires, if you ever hope to see them through to fruition you must make them your priority.  If you want to travel, choose to make it a priority.  Want to become a writer?  Choose to make it a priority.  Inside each of us there is an “on” switch that we must flip.  Make a choice, flip that switch, commit to your goal and pursue it ruthlessly, without hesitation or apologies.

Stop Dreaming: Dreams bring inspiration but dreams and inspiration will only get you so far.  If you ever want to accomplish anything, you must move beyond the visions in your head.  Dreaming, hoping and wishing don’t produce results.  Burgess Meredith in Grumpier Old Men said it best:

You can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.

Stop Making Excuses: There’s an excuse for everything and guess what, all of those excuses suck.  An excuse is just a way of justifying inaction due to fear.  It’s easy to say “I can’t” if you can blame it on some externality that you “aren’t able” to control.  It’s not easy to admit that you’re afraid of stepping outside of your comfort zone.  It’s so much easier to blame your situation on money, time or the kids.  And since those excuses are so universally accepted in our culture, no one is going to call you out on any of them.  No one, that is, except me.  All of your excuses are bullshit. You know it and I know it.  Stop making excuses, you won’t live forever.  These guys aren’t making excuses.

Prepare: Want to quit your job?  Sit down, take an honest assessment of your financial situation and create a plan to shore up any weaknesses you find.  Create a budget, eliminate all extraneous expenses, get out of debt, build your savings.  Prepare yourself in real ways that will help you to succeed.  No matter how much you hate your job, hate alone isn’t going to set you up for success.  Do something positive each day with that emotional energy, then smile as you walk through the door because you know that you are one day closer to walking away for good.

Take Action: Preparation leads you in the right direction but, like dreams, can only take you so far.  Once you reach a point where all the preparations have been made, it is time to take action.  Action creates change.  Change brings about opportunity.  Don’t count on luck to bring you the life of your dreams.  “Luck” is just opportunity presenting itself to those people who are prepared to act upon it.  You can create your own luck by taking action towards accomplishing your goals.  Want to become an artist?  Paint.  Want to learn a foreign language?  Take a class.  Want to travel the world?  Buy a plane ticket.  Action is the only thing that separates dreaming from reality.

Creating the life of your dreams isn’t difficult, it just requires dedication, determination and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone to take calculated risks.  Success isn’t guaranteed, but failure only comes to those who quit. Turn your dreams into reality, make the choice to make it happen.  Give up the excuses and prepare for success.  Create a new reality; the reality of your dreams.

Filed under Attitude, Freedom, Goals, Inspiration, Life, Motivation, Opportunity, Passion, Potential, Preparation, Prioritizing, Success

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