I’ve been vegetarian for about seven months, and Vegan for two(ish).

To say that I’ve been excited and proud of making the switch would be an understatement. I’ve shared recipes with friends, cooked for family, spouted off condescending slurs towards omnivores, and just generally felt great about being Vegan. I’ve shared videos exposing the cruelty of factory farms, sang the praises of Veganism and all the benefits of not consuming animals.

And then I realized something.

As much as I believe in everything I’ve preached over the last many months, I enjoy eating without stress.

Let me try to explain what I mean in that statement; I enjoy eating without stress. Being Vegan has brought many challenges to the dinner table. At home, creating Vegan meals isn’t always the most convenient. Since we live in a small town, finding certain ingredients can be challenging, if not impossible. Still, I’ve fumbled my way through and have managed to get by. I’ve done quite a bit of experimenting in my diet, creating many dishes I’d never heard of before. Most of them were delicious.

But it isn’t eating at home that’s the source of stress.

I travel, a lot. And when I travel, it’s been nearly impossible to go out to eat without being limited to a $15 salad that I’ve had to ask that most the ingredients be removed. No chicken, no cheese, no eggs, no Caesar dressing…and it still costs $15 when the bill comes, despite being what amounts to a pile of lettuce on my plate. It really pisses me off.

When we went to Europe a few months ago, I wasn’t Vegan, but found that I was only eating pasta and pizza. By the end of the trip, I felt like shit. I wasn’t able to properly nourish my body while trying to navigate around a continent. I can only imagine what that trip would have been like if I’d have been Vegan.

On our road trip to Florida a couple weeks ago, I practically starved for the first couple of days, refusing to break my Vegan diet. I had my Larabars, damn it! I wasn’t eating cheese! Until I ran out of Larabars and hadn’t eaten for twelve hours. I gave in and ate a cheese pizza. Great choice, huh?

So I’ve been questioning my choice to be a Vegan. Why did I decide to become Vegan? Is it because I think meat is disgusting? No. I don’t think meat is gross. I’ve killed my own food in the past. I’ve slaughtered my kill. I grew up on a beef farm, and watched the cows be slaughtered. I’ve never been repulsed by the process of killing an animal, or slaughtering it. Not until I learned what happens behind the walls of factory farms. There is no compassion for the animals, and that’s the reason why I wanted to become Vegan. I didn’t want to contribute to the brutality perpetrated against animals raised and slaughtered under these conditions.

I believe animals deserve a life that is enjoyable and a death that is humane.

And what I found is that there is no humanity in factory farming. If you’re interested in knowing what happens behind those walls, please take the time to watch the documentary Earthlings. It might change how you feel about the food on your plate.

I made the transition to Vegan over the course of five months, and have been (mostly) successful in keeping a Vegan diet for the past two. But as I mentioned before, I’ve struggled while traveling, and began to question my thoughts on Veganism and even whether or not I found it practical to be vegetarian. Afterall, it wasn’t the meat that I was repulsed by, but the system.

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple weeks, and have made the decision that I’m not Vegan. I’m an omnivore. I think being Vegan is an honorable choice, and I encourage everyone to make an honest attempt at going for some time without eating animal products. Learn about the food that’s on your dinner table, and where it comes from. Take the time to research the benefits of Veganism from a health-based perspective. Look through the misinformation campaign being waged by the meat and dairy industries. Question everything you’ve ever known to be true about food.

I feel I’ve done that research, and I know that while I may not consider myself Vegan any longer, my diet will be forever changed, and I won’t look at food the same way again.