Guest Post: “Wait Until You Have Kids”

February 7, 2011 6 Comments

Today’s article is the first in a two-part series regarding children and parenting. Today’s article is written by Tom Meitner, a freelance writer that helps people break through the boundaries they place in front of them on a daily basis.  You can check out his work and learn more about The “I Can” Movement at The Practical Nerd.

I have friends and family members that seem to enjoy using their kids as methods of crushing other people’s dreams. When I talk about working from home and building my business, they usually say something along the lines of: “Well, enjoy it now, because when you have kids, you won’t be able to do that anymore!”

It doesn’t stop there – everybody gets it with different excuses. “When you get older, you won’t have the time to [insert what you want to do here]…” or it can simply be summed up as, “Hey, it’s a nice dream to have, but once you ____________________, you won’t be able to do it.”

It’s easy to get angry at these people. After all, it’s your goal and it’s your dream, right? What right is it of theirs to crap all over it?

At some point, I start having sympathy for these people. Friends and family, in particular, generally don’t mean to crush your hopes and dreams. If nothing else, they would love to see you achieve them and would be proud of you if you did. Their comments are a mode of caring for you – a misguided one, to be sure, but caring nonetheless.

Here’s what happened: when they were in a position similar to yours, they had dreams and goals. But they didn’t pursue them very aggressively, if at all. They just expected that life would turn out a certain way. When life happened to them and they seemingly missed their chance to make it happen the way they wanted to, they just concluded that it doesn’t work the way they wanted it to. They became incredibly disappointed and they are trying to not let you “get your hopes up,” in their minds.

Understanding that perspective is what will help you deal with them. If they are the just-make-a-quick-snarky-comment type, then you can just laugh, shrug them off, and continue on your way. If they are the argue-until-they-are-blue-in-the-face type, then you may need to sit them down and say, “Hey, I understand that you are skeptical and I do appreciate your concern, but please be supportive. If you can’t, then we just won’t talk about it when we are together and focus on talking about other topics.”

How To Heed Their Advice

Just because they failed at making life what they wanted it to be doesn’t mean you will. There are plenty of people in the world, with kids or without them, that are doing the same thing you are. What to take away from their argument is that, in life, circumstances do change. At times, these circumstances will complicate things or they will make them harder. These changes could set you back. Their response was to give up on their dreams. Here’s your response:

Prepare as much as possible for the changes that come. You don’t know what curveballs life is going to throw at you, so make sure that you recognize that sometimes, you will need to be able to adapt to life as it comes. Without the ability to adapt and be flexible, your dreams will get crushed. Maybe they’re not supposed to be crushed, but altered, and that’s why the life changes come along.

Understand that you need to be aggressive now, because there is no better time to do it. Something will always come up, and this is where people get trapped. They wait for that “perfect time” to do something, and when it doesn’t come, they just assume that it wasn’t meant to be. Make it meant to be. Take advantage of what you can now, and jump over the hurdles that are in front of you. There will be other ones down the road either way. That’s just a part of life.

Ditch the smug attitude and avoid the confrontation. If you struggle, there’s no need to share that with them if they can’t be supportive. If they keep asking, present facts to them about how you are approaching it. If you are succeeding, don’t do the “I told you so” thing. Just go about life as if nothing is different. If they ask, you can tell them, but leave it at that. Be the bigger man – or woman.

Be sympathetic towards these people and recognize why they are so skeptical. It’s likely that they are bitter over the lack of achievement in their own lives. Instead, just focus on what you can control and what you can accomplish. If they try to cut you down, just stop talking to them about it. You don’t need that negative energy in your life.

And if you have kids? Watch them play. Watch them dream. Ask them what they want to be when they grow up. I’m not one of those “You can be anything you want” kinds of people, but children place very few limits on their imaginations. It’s that kind of attitude that you can adopt in your own life. The people who accomplished things looked around at their peers and said, “I want something different.” You need to do the same if you want to achieve your goals.

A Note From Steven: When I hear people make statements like “Wait until you have kids,” it seems to imply that once a person has children they have to give up on their dreams and personal ambitions. I disagree. I hope to live my life perpetually in pursuit of the next challenge/goal and one day hope to show my children the joy of living a life full of adventure and curiosity for the world around us.

Tom made a comment on another blog (which is why I asked him to write today’s article) that I think sums up the so-called “Real World” by saying:

“From what I can gather, the “real world” seems to be about having kids and blaming them for ruining your life. I have people in my life that tell me, “Well, wait until you start having kids…” or “Enjoy it now, because when you have kids you can’t do that anymore.” I don’t remember our parents being this bitter about having us. If anything, I would think kids would help you dream a little more, rather than give up on them entirely. Everybody’s got their own challenges to face.

But I guess I’ll understand it better when I have kids.”

I hear these same comments from parents all the time. When people say “Wait until you have kids,” I’m waiting for them to finish the sentence with “…they’ll ruin your life.” By making statements like this to people who don’t have children, there is a subversive message that is, while no doubt unintentional, still being sent.

For me, children aren’t in the cards right now. Not because I don’t want them or that my “goals” are preventing me from having them but because I want to create a foundation which will allow me to raise a child in a healthy, happy and stable environment. One of the goals on my list is to adopt a child and someday, I will.

Filed under Guest Posts, Life

The Moments that Change Our Life

February 3, 2011 6 Comments

When was the moment that you realized who you are, what you love or what you’re supposed to do with your life?

In my life, I’ve experienced many of these moments, from being arrested and realizing that getting fucked up everyday wasn’t the life I wanted to the road trip to the Rocky Mountains with my friends where I found my passion for travel.  Both of these moments caused a fundamental shift in my thinking and instantly changed the direction of my life.

When I was arrested, I promised myself that I’d do whatever it took to get myself clean, even if it meant losing every friend I had and starting over from scratch, which is exactly what happened.  The road trip gave me a chance to see the world beyond the limits of my small Midwestern town and after that trip, I saw life from a different perspective and a new way of thinking.

And while I didn’t realize it at the time, my hike to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite National Park also helped define who I am today.  I’ve been reminiscing about that trip in my mind, thinking about the beauty of the park, the challenge of the climb and the triumph of reaching the top.  The sore knees and the other pains have long since faded and now I’m left with only fond memories.

I want to go back.

Thinking about everything I want to accomplish this year and the amount of time I have to do it, it’s time to start prioritizing.  Turkey, Russia, Ethiopia, Japan, New England, Yosemite are all on the radar this year but I only have a few weeks in which I can dedicate myself to travel due to summer classes.

I miss Planet Earth.

When I travel, I’m visiting huge cities like Paris, Rome or Buenos Aires and spend a lot of my time riding subways, taking taxis and breathing exhaust.  I long for the solitude of the forests and the thrill of climbing mountains.  There’s something special about a bear and her cub walking next to you in the wild, about getting your boots dusty and the feeling of a cool mountain river to soothe your body after a long hike.

So, while I might not be wandering around the bazaars of Istanbul or doing hand stands in Red Square this year, maybe I’ll return to my favorite place on the planet instead.

Filed under Life, Prioritizing, Random Thoughts, Travel

Twenty Ten

December 11, 2010 5 Comments

The year has gone by much faster than I could have imagined almost twelve months ago.  It went fast but a lot was accomplished.  I knocked some goals off my list and traveled to places that I wasn’t planning to.  This is the first year in a while that I can look back and say that I leave behind an old version of myself.

What goals did I accomplish this year?

Which countries did I travel to this year?

My personal resolutions for the year included:

  • Traveling at least 50,000 miles
  • Finding Internal Peace
  • Maintaining a 3.5 GPA
  • Continue paying off my Student Loans
  • Being nicer to people

Travel at least 50,000 miles

In the update from March, I wrote:

I will be left with approximately 20,000 miles.  That’s a huge distance and though I have a couple of plans in mind, none of them will come close to closing that gap.  It is still early in the year and it is impossible to say what might transpire over the course of the year, so I will remain optimistic!

I was figuring out just how many miles I’d be left with after all my known travel plans for the year and I really had no idea how I was going to travel another 20,000 miles.  Including my trip to France at the end of the year, my total miles traveled will be 56,798.  I exceeded my goal by almost 7,000 miles!!!  The trip to Japan and France really helped make it possible for me to make it this far…more than twice the distance around the world at the equator!

Find internal peace

Let’s just say that this is easier said than done.  To be honest, I’m not sure that I’d like to find internal peace anymore, either.  When I wrote this as a personal resolution, I was dealing with the reality of my own mortality.  One day, my feeling of invincibility evaporated and I was left struggling to come to terms with the fact that eventually I will die.  That one day everyone I love will die.  That one day, each of us will die.  Life seemed so…meaningless at that point.

Today, while I still struggle with my eventual death, it doesn’t pervade my thoughts like it once did.  I’m not saying that I’ve come to terms with my death, I haven’t.  It pisses me off that I’ll eventually die.  I wish I could live forever.  That being said, I’ll continue to find meaning and purpose in life so that when my time finally comes, I’m able to lay my head down knowing that my life had purpose.

Maintain a 3.5 GPA

When grades get posted for this semester, my GPA isn’t going to be close to 3.5 anymore.  I am struggling through a number of very challenging classes and from here on out, they’re going to get even more difficult.  That’s okay.  I want to do good in school and do the best that I can but if my GPA isn’t 3.5, at least I’m doing my best.  Life is more than a number on a transcript and at some point, that number becomes irrelevant anyways.  As I mentioned earlier, I’ve changed since the beginning of the year.  This is one of those changes.  School is important but it isn’t that important.  College isn’t the only path to success in life.  If you struggle in Chemistry or Calculus, life goes on.  There are just too many other things in this world to worry about, your GPA shouldn’t be one of them.  I’ll do my best, struggle and eventually succeed.  If I get a C in some of my classes, so what?

Continue paying off my Student Loans

I was doing a really great job at this up until the last few months when I began making travel arrangements for Japan and Europe.  I decided to take a break from paying off my loans until after I return from Europe so that I have enough money saved up for my travels.  Does this mean that I can’t afford to be traveling?  Maybe.  But then, we all make choices and have to deal with the consequences.  Traveling was my priority and I made a choice.  I acknowledge it and I’m moving on.  Repayment will begin in the near future, most likely in January.

Be nicer to people

It might depend on how you define “nice” in order to gauge how successful I’ve been at this goal.  To be honest, I know I can be a jerk at times but usually when I am, there’s a good reason.  For the most part, I think I’ve been a nice person but more than nice, I’d like to be kind to those who deserve kindness, caring to those I love, generous to those in need, helpful to those who require assistance, etc.  It isn’t enough just to be nice and some people don’t deserve to be treated nice.  I don’t want to be nice simply to be polite.

In addition to personal goals, here are my professional goals:

  • Meet or exceed 500 email subscribers
  • Write 52 quality articles
  • A monthly Guest Post on another blog
  • Daily traffic in excess of 1,000 views

I didn’t get 500 email subscribers by the end of the year.  I did, however, manage to get 725 people to become Fans of Hundred Goals on Facebook.  Maybe it isn’t email subscriptions but I’ll take it.

I wrote 109 articles in 2010, and while I feel that the quality of my writing has improved significantly compared to 2009, I’ll let you be the judge as to whether the articles were “quality”.

I began the year writing guest posts for other blogs and managed to get a post on Get Rich Slowly, a big deal for me.  After a while, I gave up on writing guest posts and just decided to focus my energy on writing content for Hundred Goals as I was putting a lot of effort into writing for other sites and felt like some of my best ideas were going to those sites while the content here wasn’t as good.  In the future, I may write other guest posts but I probably won’t be doing it every month.

My daily traffic hasn’t been in excess of 1,000 views ever and now that I’m only writing an article a week, I don’t think 1,000 daily views is realistic at this point (unless there is some sort of Hundred Goals revolution!)  Site traffic is less important to me today as I think a better way to measure success is by how many people actually want to read what I write rather than just popping in and out from a Google search of Kim Kardashian’s Ass.  Email subscriptions and comments are my new measure of success, so please, comment often!

And there you have it, 2010.  I’ll lay out some goals for 2011 in an upcoming post, so stay tuned!

Filed under Goal Updates, Goals, Life, Travel, Updates

Reflections After Ten Years of Sobriety

November 3, 2010 14 Comments

Once upon a time…

…I was over at a friend’s house getting stoned, having a good time.  After a few hours I decided to head back to my place, get some food and pass out.  Some friends joined me for the walk home but none of us thought our fun was about to come to an end.

When we got to my apartment, I realized I’d lost my keys and had no way of getting in.  I wasn’t really in the state of mind for problem solving at that moment.  I stood there confused, not knowing what I was going to do.  Should I try breaking in?  After standing there for a couple of minutes, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  Maybe it was my mom and she could let us in!  Then I heard the sound of a police radio and before I knew what was happening I was standing face to face with a cop asking me my name.  I told him, really not sure why it mattered.  “Turn around and put your hands behind your back.”

I was under arrest.

While he was handcuffing me, I looked at my friends pleading for them to do something.  There was nothing they could do to help me.  The cop put me in his car and drove me to the police station where I was fingerprinted, had my mug shot taken, stripped down for a shower and changed into an orange jumpsuit.  Only a few minutes earlier I was having a great time with my friends, joking with each other, listening to good music.  And now, here I was, a criminal, still completely stoned, faced with a week in jail for contempt of court for failure to pay a ticket.

I had a phone call to make.  I called my mother, in the middle of the night, to tell her that I’d been arrested and needed her help.  She said she’d do what she could but didn’t make any promises.

My jail cell wasn’t a room at the Bellagio.  My accommodations included a steel cot with a thin sleeping pad, a blanket that was too small and a flat pillow that I couldn’t fold enough times to render useful.  Flourescent lights illuminated the room throughout the night, so trying to sleep was almost impossible.  I was cold, alone and afraid.  I didn’t belong here.  I had just turned 18 years old a few days ago and I just wanted to have fun.  I wanted to go to concerts, hangout with friends and spend time with my girlfriend.

It was in this moment that I realized that my life was going down the wrong path and that if I didn’t change, I’d fuck up my entire future.  This is where I’d end up; behind bars, in a concrete room, having to shit in front of the other inmates.

The next morning a guard came to tell me that I’d made bail.  My mom came through for me, but not before a long night in jail thinking about everything that I’d done wrong in my life.  I promised to change.

Making the change wasn’t easy.  I tried to quit drinking and doing drugs but it didn’t take long before I fell back into it.  I didn’t know any other life.  It’s what all my friends were doing.  I had a choice to make.  Either I kept hanging out with my friends and party my ass off or I quit everything and leave my friends behind.  It wasn’t an easy decision to make but I knew I had to leave my friends behind.  Even though I cared about them, I knew they were holding me down and keeping me from becoming the person I wanted to be.  I had to do this for myself.

It’s been ten years since reality provided me with a swift kick in the nuts and I’m proud to say that I haven’t touched so much as a drop of alcohol or any drug since making the decision to get clean.  It hasn’t always been easy but I try to remember that I’m doing this for a reason.  That reason is me, so I can have a great life.  A life that is full of opportunity and excitement.

Sometimes I’ll look at photos of my friends online and see how much fun they’re having at parties and a part of me gets jealous.  That used to me, smiling and laughing with a beer in my hand.  I remember how great it was to just cut loose, forget about the problems and act silly.  I loved it!

But you know what I love even more?  Sobriety.

I have a great life, a life that many of my old friends would be jealous of.  I’m following my dreams and making a life for myself.  I’m furthering my education (only a year to go before I have a degree in Environmental Science with a minor in Chemistry), I’ve traveled around the world, I have a great girlfriend…what more could I ask for?  No drug or drink can ever give me the satisfaction in my life that I have right now…and that makes the occasional struggle worth the effort.

Change is possible.

Filed under Accomplishments, Life

Chew with an Open Mind

October 30, 2010 7 Comments

Six months ago I was making plans for my upcoming trip to Iceland.  Included in those plans was to eat rotten shark fin…it was a “traditional” food in Iceland and I wanted to have an authentic experience while I was there.  I told everyone I knew that I was going to eat shark fin, mostly just to see the shocked looks of disgust.  “Rotten shark fin?” they’d say.  I’d smile in affirmation.

I never did eat shark during my visit to Iceland.

I realize today that food, especially meat, isn’t some sort of novelty for my amusement.  In order to eat meat, something had to sacrifice its life, whether it was a cow, a chicken, a fish or a shark, an animal had to die in order for me to eat it.  I think that we omnivores often forget that reality because we’re disconnected from the farm and our meat comes from the grocery store wrapped in plastic.  We see a steak, not a cow.  We fail to recognize that that slab of flesh was once a living, breathing animal.

For the first time in my life, tonight I made the conscious decision to order a Vegan meal at my favorite restaurant.  Standing in line waiting to order, I felt like I faced a very difficult choice: either get my burrito the same way I always do, with steak, or I try the alternative and skip any animal products; no meat, no cheese, no sour cream.  Just beans, rice, tomatoes, lettuce and corn.  I took a chance and it was delicious.  I didn’t even miss any of the other ingredients.

The problem with meat isn’t that we’re eating it (some will argue this).  The problem is that we’re eating it without giving it the respect it deserves.  In the mornings we eat our bacon without concern for the pig that was killed for its spot next to our toast.  At lunch, our turkey sandwich tastes good but we forget that an animal died for its place between those slices of bread.  We don’t think about the living conditions that any of the animals are raised in.  We don’t question the treatment they received during their life or the treatment they receive at slaughter.  When’s the last time you were eating fish on a Friday night and asked yourself about the state of fish populations in our oceans?

When I was bragging to my friends about eating shark, my mind wasn’t thinking about the shark that would be caught, have its fins sliced off and then thrown back into the ocean to suffocate to death.  Six months ago, I didn’t know about shark finning.  And not too long ago I didn’t know about the dolphin slaughter in Taiji.  Until I saw a video of what happens in slaughterhouses across the United States, I hadn’t given much thought about the meat that I love to barbecue on weekends.

Knowing is half the battle and educating the public is crucial if we’re ever going to change the world.  This holds true in so many aspects of life besides meat; pollution, global warming, loss of biodiversity, deforestation, peak oil…most people, if they even know these things are taking place, are unaware of how it might affect them.  The reality is we’re all connected; the plants, the animals, the dirt and water.  They’re the reason the human species is able to exist and if we continue exploiting our natural resources until they collapse, the human species will collapse as well.

Learn and educate others about what is happening in our world.  Raise awareness and demand change from our leaders.  This isn’t only about saving whales or dolphins, it is also about preserving our own species.  It is about saving us from ourselves.

Filed under Awareness, Balanced Diet, Environment, Food, Life

The Power of a List

October 12, 2010 6 Comments

I must apologize.

I feel like I’ve done a terrible job of keeping everyone informed about what’s going on in my life.  Why?  When I write about my life, either I feel like I’m bragging or whining…neither of which I like doing.  And, as much as I try to fill every moment of my time with excitement, not every moment is exciting!  Actually, most days are pretty routine.  I put my pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of the world.

Where I feel like my life diverges from a large portion of people isn’t in how I live my daily life but how I plan for the future.  My eyes are always focused on accomplishing the goals I set for myself and making plans for world domination.  Creating my list of goals has helped me build a remarkable life, even if once in a while (or more often than not) I’m at home reading a book or doing homework.  But just having a list of goals isn’t what makes my life exceptional…lots of people have goals and some of their lists are longer than mine!  No, a list isn’t enough.  Making plans and taking action is what an amazing life is all about.

And I always have a plan.

As a matter of fact, I’m in the process of making plans for four rather significant trips: Japan, France (Spain, Morocco, Italy, Switzerland), Russia (Belarus), and Ethiopia.  Whether these trips come to fruition is not entirely certain but the point is that I’m making plans.  I’m doing what I can to make it all happen.  Making plans gives me something to look forward to and they give me the extra little push I need to make it through the less-than-extraordinary days with a smile.

Every once in a while I’ll read through my list looking for something I can scratch off.  Apparently Erin also looks at my list with the same intentions.  This weekend, thanks to an incredible birthday gift, I’ll be going on a hot-air balloon ride (weather permitting, of course).  And in November, if everything works out, I’ll be traveling to Taiji, Japan to spend a week doing volunteer work with the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, #5 on the list, “Volunteer time with an environmental group”.

I’d like to think I have the ability to convince everyone to write a list of a hundred goals but I know not everyone will.  Some people are too cynical to believe in the power of such a list, minimizing it as just a stupid ”Bucket List”.  This isn’t about creating a list of shit to do before you die, it’s about creating a list that’s meant to guide you and help create a meaningful life, not only for yourself but for others as well.

If writing a list of 100 goals seems daunting, don’t get discouraged.  You don’t need to write your list all at once.  Carry it around in your pocket for a week or two.  When something comes to mind, write it down.  I have no doubt that you’ll come up with a hundred goals quicker than you thought possible.  There are so many things in this world to see and experience that you might even have a hard time stopping at one hundred!

Filed under Goals, Life

In the Blink of an Eye

October 11, 2010 2 Comments

Do you care so passionately about something that you’d give up everything to chase after it?

Would you sacrifice the creature comforts of your everyday life or challenge the strength of a relationship?  Could you walk away from a stable career, even if it meant losing the assurance of a steady paycheck?  In the blink of an eye, could you turn your back on life as you now know it to risk turning it into one that dreams are made of?

Most people wouldn’t.

Not because they can’t but because it’s hard.  So many things could go wrong.  It’s far more reasonable (and safe) to stay the course with the life we’ve already created for ourselves.  Life-altering change isn’t something most of us actively seek out.  It’s one of those things that smacks us in the face when we least expect it.

Someone we love dies.  We discover that our partner has been unfaithful.  Maybe we lose our job without warning.

When these things happen, we have a decision to make; either we ignore the problems or we rise to the occasion and turn tragedy into triumph.  But why should we wait for our lives to be flipped head over heals before we become active participants in our destiny?  Why slog through yet another day ignoring our dreams and suffocating our passions.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

The Rulebook of Life doesn’t exist and you don’t need permission from anyone to live life on your own terms.  There’s no reason to spend the rest of your time here on Earth doing something that doesn’t bring you satisfaction or give your life meaning. 

It may not seem like it, but each day we have a choice to make.  Either we can put the right shoe on before the left, just as we always do, and live a repeat of yesterday or we can wake up and make magic happen.

“But I don’t really have a choice and besides, change isn’t practical.”

You do have a choice.  We all do.  The door to life isn’t locked, you just need to give it a little push and it will swing wide open.  No one else can do that for you.  And maybe change isn’t practical, but tell me, what practical person ever influenced history?  It’s the people who took risks and had big dreams that changed the world…will you be one of them?

These are your days, make the most of them.

Filed under Attitude, Goals, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle Engineering, Motivation, Opportunity, Passion, Potential, Prioritizing

I Wish I Could Do That

October 9, 2010 7 Comments

I’d like to discuss a passage from Chris Guillebeau’s book The Art of Non-Conformity:

Almost every time I head out on an international trip, I end up talking with someone who expresses an interest in doing the same thing.  Their statement is usually something like “Wow! I wish I could do that.”

Here’s the thing: I realize that there are plenty of people out there who are not able to travel or make the same choices I can.  Having lived in the poorest countries in the world for four years, I know many of them personally.  Most of the people I interact with now, however, as well as most of the readers of this book, don’t fit into that category.  The people I talk with now who tell me they “wish” they could do something but feel unable have usually made a number of choices that prevent them from doing what they wish.  They have chosen to prioritize other things above their stated desire.

Some of them, I’ve noticed, can even seem a bit resentful of those who step out in a different direction.  When I offered to help a friend plan an upcoming trip to Europe, she eagerly accepted.  But then she said, “You know, not all of us can just take off and fly around the world like you do.”  I laughed it off and helped her anyway, but her offhand remark stayed with me after our conversation had ended.  As I thought about it later, I realized that the statement reflected a common form of jealousy.  This friend made more than $80,000 a year and certainly could have afforded to travel anywhere she wanted, but it wasn’t her priority.

As you begin making more and more of your own choices, you’ll encounter feedback like this fairly often.  Many people are uncomfortable with change and different ideas, and they’ll work hard at rationalizing their own choices when they come across someone who has made different ones.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing for someone to prioritize a life around working at the office and buying things for their home.  I’m just suggesting that they openly acknowledge that as the priority.

I’ve heard the same comments.  “How can you afford to travel so much?” and ”I wish I could travel like you do.”  Each time Erin and I would announce plans for our next trip, we’d hear all the same questions again and again.  Like Chris, at the time of the conversation, we’d laugh them off but also like Chris, the words stuck with us and after a while, even though we wanted to share our excitement, we felt as though we were being criticized for our decision to travel and stopped telling people about our upcoming plans.

When people first asked us how we could afford to travel, I tried explaining to them that our priority is travel, everything else is secondary.  Eventually it dawned on me that these people don’t want to know how I can afford to travel.  They don’t care about frugality or avoiding debt and, as Chris points out, they’re just jealous.

Our decision to live life on our own terms is something that many people cannot understand.  Shouldn’t we be getting married, having children and buying a house?  That isn’t the path that either of us is interested in taking at this point in our lives.  We want to see the world and experience all that it has to offer.  “Nine to five ’til ya die” isn’t the motto I wish to live my life by.

I’ve said in the past that we should pursue our goals ruthlessly and without apologies but that seems hypocritical while I sit in silence, afraid to share my excitement with the world about my upcoming adventures.  I will not apologize any longer for living my life by my rules.

The other day when I was talking about doing handstands, I eluded to upcoming travels but left you wondering where they might be.  The fact of the matter is, at that time, we weren’t comfortable sharing our plans.  The comments, the questions…they get old after a while.  Today, after reading the above passage from Chris’ book, I really don’t care anymore what anyone thinks about my life and my choices.  Erin and I are doing what makes us happy.

And we’re going to Europe in January!

We’ll arrive in Paris on New Year’s Eve to watch the fireworks in front of the Eiffel Tower and from there we don’t have any plans for two weeks.  We’re in the process of negotiating an “itinerary” but haven’t made any commitments.  The only reservations we’ve made are in Paris for the holiday weekend.  After that, we’re going wherever the wind may take us and I’ll be doing handstands all over Europe!

Next time someone asks me how I can afford to travel, maybe I’ll ask them a question of my own: “How can you not afford it?”

Filed under Attitude, Freedom, Life, Prioritizing

The Thousand Dollar Click

October 6, 2010 3 Comments

Actually, the exact cost was $1,025.83…but that doesn’t really make for a very catchy title.

I’m usually pretty cautious about the websites I visit, trying not to stray too far off the beaten path, sticking mostly to sites I know and only once in a while clicking over to other sites if something catches my eye.  I don’t open emails from people I don’t know and I never open forwarded messages.  The last thing I want to do is end up getting a virus on my computer.

The other day while moderating comments for this site, I noticed a comment in the Junk Folder that seemed like a legitimate comment from a reader.  Curious, I clicked the link associated with the author to see what their site was all about, finding a page dedicated to Tiger Woods, something I’m not really interested in personally, so I backed out.

And that’s when my troubles started.

A window popped up telling me my computer had been infected and I needed to buy an antivirus program.  I knew right away that something was wrong so I Googled the program name, confirming my suspicion.  It was a virus.

I found a website about how to get rid of it and after following each step, I restarted my computer, only to find the virus still there.  Frustrated, I slammed the monitor of my once precious Toshiba Netbook and gave it a toss across the room.  It bounced off the wall and when it hit the floor, the battery popped off.  That’s right where it stayed for the next few minutes while I cooled off.

When I picked it up and opened it, the piece around the screen had come loose and a crack ran across the corner near the USB port.  I put the battery back in and snapped the screen in place, hoping that in my moment of stupidity I hadn’t ruined it for good.  When I pushed the power button, it fired up like a champ.  Seems my decision to buy this particular Netbook was a good one.  It must be a solid piece of equipment considering what I’d just put it through.

Of course, a good toss across the room didn’t do much to fix the virus so I decided to download Norton 360.  When I was finally able to get past the virus and install the program, for the first time I thought I might stand a chance at getting rid of the virus.  After a complete system scan and 176 problems later, it was time for a restart.

I waited, fingers crossed for everything to be okay.  It wasn’t.

Now my computer didn’t do anything!  All that came up after restarting it was a black screen and my mouse pointer.  I tried to restart in Safe Mode only to find that now there wasn’t a Safe Mode.  I was officially screwed.  I didn’t know how to fix this!  I thought about all the photos from my travels that I didn’t have backed up and photos from my childhood that I had spent hours scanning.  I started getting a little upset.

My next thought was to have it worked on by the Geek Squad at Best Buy.  When I got there, they told me that fixing my computer and backing up the files would cost $350.  I thought about it for a while and didn’t see the point in spending $350 to fix a $400 computer.  I could spend a couple hundred more, get a brand new computer (one that hadn’t been thrown into a wall) and figure out a way to get my pictures off the Netbook.

I found a nice Sony Vaio and asked if they had any in stock.  There weren’t.  The floor model was the only one left and this model was discontinued.  BINGO!  “So, can you give me a discount for the floor model?”  They could, but only five percent.  Five percent wasn’t good enough.  “Would it be possible for the Geek Squad to reinstall Windows?”  I didn’t want all the programs Best Buy had installed for advertising on my computer.  That was my final offer.  The salesperson went to ask someone else and a moment later returned, telling me it wasn’t possible.

I thanked her for her time and walked out.  “Really?”  Why would you turn down a sale on the last discontinued floor model computer over a service that ought to be required for floor model equipment.  (It’s obvious that the employees there don’t work on commission because the girl helping me didn’t give a damn whether I bought the computer or not.  She was pretty much useless, I’m not sure why they pay her.)

I went home, incredibly frustrated by what had transpired over the course of the past day.  I didn’t have a computer, my pictures were in purgatory and I spent $100 for an antivirus program for a computer that I couldn’t use.

I went back to Best Buy…

…and when I got there, I dealt with a different salesperson, one who was more willing to make a deal.  The original five percent off became ten and that reinstallation of Windows they denied earlier was offered without asking.  Now we were getting somewhere.

The idea of spending so much money without preparing for it hurt a little but, then again, that’s why I’ve been putting money into an Emergency Fund.  A new computer may not seem like an emergency in the traditional sense of the word but what is an Emergency Fund if not for unexpected expenses.  This seemed to qualify.

I bit the bullet, bought the discounted floor model and had Geek Squad recover my files off of the Netbook for an additional $150.  By the time it was all said and done, I was out $1,025.83…just because of one wrong click.  I paid my Stupid Tax, hopefully the last for a long, long time.

Filed under Life, Product Reviews, Rants

A World That Isn’t Ours

September 17, 2010 Leave a comment

There are times when I get down on myself, when I feel like I haven’t accomplished enough in my 28 years of life on Earth.  I question whether I am making the right decisions, if I couldn’t be doing something else…something better.  And when I begin to doubt myself in this way, I feel like throwing everything I have right out the window and starting over from scratch.  Nothing would be spared.  I’d sell my Stuff and move to some exotic place, leaving behind all of my friends and family.

It would be my rebirth.

I could be anyone I wanted to be, anywhere I decided to settle and spend my time with whomever I chose.  I could make new friends and experience a life beyond my imagination.  Sometimes I find myself dreaming about the different places I could be…at this very moment.  Maybe I’d be running through Central Park or wandering the Great Wall.  I think about the type of person I could be.  Maybe I’d be a  wealthy clothing designer in Milan or a homeless transient wandering through the most beautiful places nature has to offer.  I could be this, I could do that, I could be there….but I’m not, thrice.

I dream of all the things I’m not, in the process forgetting all that I am and how good my life actually is.  I have a home, copious amounts of food on the table, nice clothes to wear and a girlfriend who shares my passion for travel and puts up with my (many) idiosyncracies.  I have everything I could ask for, I know it, and still I have moments when I want more, different, better.  I am consumed by thoughts of what I’m not and all that I don’t have.

Life’s forbidden fruits lure my mind into feeling this way, into the feeling that all that I am isn’t good enough.  Into the feeling that happiness is ”out there.”  All the beautiful places calling to me like a siren’s song, the smooth skin and plump lips of a beautiful woman across the room tempting me, the “promise” of a more satisfying life with more money.  All these things seductively asking me, “Is your life good enough?”  I feel like a child with my face pressed tightly against the display window of a candy store, looking into a world that isn’t mine.

And suddenly my perfect life doesn’t seem so perfect anymore.

As I imagine myself in that other, better life, I try to envision how that life would play out.  Would living somewhere else really make me happy?  I suppose it’s possible.  I am happier today than I was a year ago when I moved away from my hometown.  I wonder if a supermodel girlfriend would be any better than the girlfriend I already have.  It might be fun for a while but in the long run, I don’t know that things would really be that different.  Besides, Erin is beautiful and we get along great with each other.  Would new friends make life more interesting?  Maybe.  The friends I have now are really cool but more friends is never a bad thing.

Then what is the answer to these problems?

This is one of the fundamental issues with self-improvement; where to draw the line and accept the life you already have.  To know when good enough actually is good enough.  If we’re always seeking improvement in our lives, ultimately we will realize that there is no upper-limit.  There will always be more, different and better.  And someday we might find that we threw away a perfectly good life in our quest for an even better one.

There must be a point when we say to ourselves, “Yeah, that’s really nice but I’m happy just where I am.”

That point needs to come before we ruin the lives we already have.  We should improve our lives but within reason and rationality.  There is no reason to destroy a good life in our quest for greatness.  Real improvement comes from building from the foundation you’ve already established.  Improve the relationships, strengthen the bonds, improve your character, change your life for the better but without casting aside everything you’ve worked so hard for already.

As for that world that isn’t ours?  Maybe it isn’t ours for a reason…we just don’t know what the reason is and maybe we aren’t supposed to.

Filed under Awareness, Life, Lifestyle Engineering, Philosophy

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