Going Through Changes

October 28, 2011 5 Comments

In less than two months I’ll graduate college.

This marks a significant turning point in my life since I’ve been a college student for something like six years. Not being in a classroom will be a huge change. And considering that I’m being thrust into the worst economy of my lifetime, I’m a little nervous about entering back into the “real world.” There’s not much reassurance that everything’s going to be okay.

Two months ago I was telling you that I thought I’d wait to join the Peace Corps, and instead go to graduate school. Despite thinking that now wasn’t the right time to join the Peace Corps, I decided to continue the application process, just to see if I’d receive an invitation to serve or not. I submitted my medical information at the end of September, and a few weeks ago received this update:

Peace Corps received the results of your physical exam on October 5, 2011. If the program you are nominated for is not scheduled to leave in the next 4 months you may not hear from Medical until the time of departure is closer. Currently those programs scheduled to leave in the next 4 months are being reviewed. For applicants leaving within 4 months Peace Corps may request additional medical information. Please respond quickly to these requests.

The program that I’ve been nominated for (Environmental Education/Awareness in Africa) is scheduled to leave in April so I don’t expect to hear anything until December or January. Since submitting my application, I’ve had a lot of opportunity to think about what I’d do if I actually did receive an invitation to serve, and I’ve decided that I’d be foolish not to accept it. Now I feel like my life is on hold while I wait…

And if I don’t get an invitation?

I’ll apply to graduate school at the University of Colorado – Denver, and continue my education in Environmental Science, specializing in Environmental Health (if they’ll have me, that is.) Moving to Denver without a job or a place to live is scary, and in some ways, it’s even more frightening to me than moving to Africa for two years. It’s not the moving that concerns me, but finding a job to support myself. I have some money saved up and will be able to survive for a little while, but without an income, it won’t last long.

I guess if all else fails, I’ll starve to death…

Filed under Graduate School, Graduation, Life, Peace Corps

Perspective

October 3, 2011 5 Comments

Instead of comparing yourself to people who have more than you, try comparing yourself to those who have less…

Filed under Random Thoughts

What’s on Your Bucket List?

September 30, 2011 94 Comments

Thanks to everyone’s who participated in the contest! The response has been terrific, and reading everyone’s goals has been so inspiring! I wish I could give everyone $100, but alas I’m not a rich man! Congratulations to our lucky winner, Kristen Schoonover! I hope you’ll find a way of putting the money to good use! Thanks again everyone for making this contest a success!

I want to help you accomplish your goals, which is why I’m giving $100 to one lucky reader! That’s right! Cash money, to do whatever you want. All you have to do to enter the contest is:

  1. Tell me what’s on your Bucket List! Leave a comment below, and/or;
  2. Share this contest on Twitter! (Please post a link to the tweet.) Just retweet the following:

I just entered to win $100 with @HundredGoals ”What’s on your #BucketList?” contest! Enter here: http://wp.me/pqt96-1zu

  1. And/or, blog about this contest and leave a link to the post in the comments.

The more you do, the more chances you have to win!

To get things started, I’m going to share the Top 5 goals on my list:

  1. Join the Peace Corps - If you’ve been following Hundred Goals lately, you know that I’ve been a little confused scared shitless about leaving the comfort of my life for two years to do volunteer work in Africa. I think I’m finally over it, and I’m ready to go! I’m just waiting for my invitation.
  2. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro – I’ve done a lot of amazing things in life, but I don’t feel like I’ve been pushed to the edge of my limits by any of it. I think climbing Kilimanjaro might do that. Besides, Tanzania looks like a beautiful country…and who doesn’t love that!?
  3. Earn my Bachelors Degree - Graduation is just around the corner…and I’m ready! Come December, my entire life is going to change as I’m thrust into “The Real World.” And it’s going to be amazing!
  4. Travel to Cuba – If there’s one thing I really hate about being American, it’s that my government forbids me from traveling to Cuba. But I’m not going to let that stop me. I will go…oh, yes…I will go.
  5. Throw a Hand Grenade - This is the most recent addition to my list, and it’s one that I’m really excited to accomplish. It just seems like a lot of fun, kind of like jumping out of an airplane! The rush of excitement, the adrenaline…I live for that!

Now it’s your turn! What’s on your Bucket List?

The contest will run until Friday, October 21, 2011 and a winner will be randomly selected using a number generator. The winner will be notified via email, so be sure to enter a valid email address when submitting your comments.

Good luck! And thanks for entering! If there are any questions, please feel free to contact me directly!

Filed under Contests

The Duality of Man

September 25, 2011 6 Comments

Moments after announcing the addition of my latest goal, Goal #160) Throw a hand grenade, a reader pointed out that such a goal seemed at odds with my ambition of joining the Peace Corps, saying:

“Hmmmm.  I thought you wanted in the PEACE Corps.  I sense some irony here…”

And (undoubtedly) what they meant by “irony,” was actually “hypocrisy.” By definition, hypocrisy is claiming to have certain moral standards or beliefs to which our behavior does not conform. But does the appearance of being at odds make them so? Would throwing a hand grenade make me a hypocrite? What about the intent behind those actions? Is it possible to throw a hand grenade and promote world peace and friendship?

When I first read the comment, I was reminded of the scene in Full Metal Jacket when Private Joker is asked why he’s wearing a peace button on his jacket, and has “Born to Kill” written across his helmet. “I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.” The duality of man. The internal struggle between good and evil. Is my desire to throw a hand grenade some sort of manifestation of my “evil” side? I doubt it. Isn’t it just possible that I want to throw a hand grenade because I think it’d be fun?

“It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” ~ William Shakespeare

There are those who claim money is, or that guns are, evil. I don’t believe either is true. Guns and money have no capacity in and of themselves for good or ill. They’re inanimate objects. In the wrong hands, both can be used to cause harm. The capacity for humans to do evil things doesn’t make the objects with which they carry out those actions evil.

And a hand grenade is no different…

Filed under Hand Grenade

An Inconvenient Truth

September 17, 2011 21 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I like being right. When I’m arguing with someone and I know they’re wrong, it feels good! And (maybe not surprisingly) I feel like I’m right most of the time. But how would I know if I’m wrong about something?

What’s it feel like to be wrong?

When we’re wrong, we don’t know we’re wrong. And if we don’t know we’re wrong, being wrong must feel exactly the same as being right. That makes it pretty difficult to know when we’re right about something, and when we’re wrong. So if being wrong feels the same as being right, chances are I’m wrong about something at least once in a while…probably more often than I can imagine.

I suppose we all are. And why wouldn’t we be?

We do nothing to challenge our beliefs. We surround ourselves with people who have the same values and opinions as us. We gather information from sources that reinforce our biases. Those whose opinions differ from our own are brushed off, regardless of the validity of their argument. We spend our lives thinking we know best. That our choices are superior than those of others. We believe we know better than everyone we encounter who has a different way of thinking, a belief system that’s inconsistent with our own, or whose political persuasion conflicts with the “truths” that we consider to be self-evident.

But can we be right all of the time? About everything? Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, we’re not quite as smart as we think? That despite our best intentions, our perception is all wrong? Maybe there’s another way of thinking about things. A way that’s different, but equally valid…

As smart as we are, we won’t always be right, which is why we need to keep an open mind and be willing to look at things from another angle and through a different filter. Our biases keep us locked into a very specific, and very limited way of thinking. Our political persuasion predisposes us to a certain way of thinking. Our filters and biases are why some people see art, while others see pornography. (Which do you see? Leave a comment below.)

Truth is subjective.

And if truth is subjective, does that mean our beliefs are no more (or less) valid than those of people who believe exactly the opposite? In the photo above, did you see art or pornography? Why did you see what you saw, and why can another person look at the same photo and see something different? We can look at the same photo but see different things because our biases and filters color our perception of reality. Of what is, and what isn’t. Of what’s right and what’s wrong. Moral and immoral.

But what we see through our filter doesn’t make it so. It’s only interpretation…our interpretation. What we believe to be truth is our perception based on past experiences and current beliefs. Others may have a different interpretation.

The next time you feel absolute in your opinion, ask yourself if it’s possible you could be wrong. You just might be.

(Everything I’ve written here is my interpretation of truth. Your interpretation may vary.)

Filed under Philosophy

What Does the Future Hold?

September 10, 2011 24 Comments

In just over three months I’ll graduate from college…

And I’m scared to death about what comes next. For years I’ve thought my next step would be to join the Peace Corps. I’ve submitted my application, had my interview, and just finished up my medical and dental reviews. All that’s left is to mail the envelope. But I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of being rejected. And I’m afraid of being accepted…

It isn’t being there (wherever “there” is…right now it’s Africa, but that could change) that I’m afraid of. It’s not being here that bothers me the most. It’s what I’ll miss out on while I’m gone. It’s what I’ll have to sacrifice to leave; particularly graduate school, and my relationship.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I’d like my life to be, and reaching any sort of definitive conclusion has been a real challenge for me. Next month I turn 29 and I feel like I’m running out of time to “fool around.” I’m already thinking about settling down, adopting children, and being “responsible.”

And so I’m left with the question of whether the Peace Corps is the “next step” in life, or if graduate school is the better option? I’ve always wanted to do both, but obviously I can’t do them at the same time. And in some ways, I feel like the Peace Corps would prevent me from moving forward, like I’d have to put my entire life on hold for two years.

I’ve been going back and forth trying to make the right decision, and as difficult as it is to “give up” on a dream, I think graduate school might be the next step in my life. It’s the choice that I feel would build the strongest foundation for my future. And even though I may not be joining the Peace Corps right now, it doesn’t mean I won’t some time in the future…or that I won’t change my mind yet again…and again, and again…

What are your thoughts? What do you think is the right choice?

Filed under Graduate School, Graduation, Peace Corps

Goal #136) Find Graffiti by Banksy

September 4, 2011 3 Comments

If you don’t know who Bansky is, you should.

Say what you will about graffiti, I love it. I’d much rather see the creativity of the artists than empty brick walls. And Bansky’s work is clever, poignant, and most of all, beautiful. Each piece carries a powerful message about our culture, often capturing aspects of society which we’d prefer to ignore. He’s become the most celebrated street artist of our time by using his art to get people to stop for a moment and think…about themselves, their choices, and their priorities.

The people who truly deface our neighbourhoods are the companies that scrawl their giant slogans across buildings and buses trying to make us feel inadequate unless we buy their stuff. ~ Banksy

Like any other type of art, the best way to experience it is in person. The problem with finding Banksy’s work is that anytime it appears, it’s painted over or removed. It seems there are people who fail to see it as anything more than vandalism.

While in Los Angeles, I thought I’d try to track down some of his work. My first attempt didn’t go so well, as my research wasn’t quite right, and I ended up at the wrong wall of the right building. I did, however, find a pretty impressive piece by Mr. Brainwash called Tomato Spray, so it wasn’t a total loss.

The next morning we were on the hunt again, but this time I was better prepared. I’d spent a couple of hours tracking down addresses for pieces that I was confident hadn’t been destroyed. There were two (which also happened to be a couple of my favorites.) The first was downtown in a parking lot. On a huge white wall with the word PARKING painted in bright red letters, Banksy painted over the ING, and stenciled in a little girl swinging from the A. So simple, yet powerful.

Our next stop was in a more gritty part of town. There weren’t any storefronts, and the streets were abandoned. Fences lined the sidewalks, and no Banksy artwork was to be found. Luckily I recognized the location from my research earlier in the day, and I knew that what I was looking for would be right behind one of those fences. I looked between the cracks in the fence, and there it was. Now…how to get in?

Some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place. Some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place. ~ Banksy

We walked around the block to see if there was a way in without going over the fence. No such luck.

I don’t like breaking the law, but I had no other choice. I climbed over the fence and jumped to the ground. I half expected a pit bull to come running out of nowhere, but nothing of the sort happened. In the corner of the building was a little girl holding a crayon, watching a man from the bank nail boards across the door to the dream house she’d just drawn. A story that’s being repeated over, and over again throughout this country.

When my feet hit the sidewalk on the legal side of the fence, my quest to find graffiti by Banksy was over, as was my time in Los Angeles. In 48 hours, I’d met Marilyn Manson, went for a late night cruise on Mulholland Drive, and found graffiti by Banksy. Before, I’d never had any interest in Los Angeles. Now that I’ve been there, I love it and can’t wait to go back!

Click here to check out my photos from the day!!!

Filed under Banksy

Goal #91) Meet Marilyn Manson

September 2, 2011 14 Comments

It’s a day I thought would never come.

I’ve been listening to Marilyn Manson’s music for half my life, and the influence that’s had is profound. It’s taught me to be open-minded to ideas that are inconsistent with my own, and to be tolerant of people who are “different.” Marilyn Manson gave me permission to follow my own path, and the courage to be myself, whatever that meant at the moment.

My life has gone through many phases…from goth to glam, prep to punk.

These phases were my path to self-discovery. And if not for the strength I found in Manson’s music, I would’ve buckled to the pressure and harassment of my peers for being different. For wearing spiked collars and black nail polish. White lipstick and holographic shirts…

Or Abercrombie at a Marilyn Manson concert.

His influence wasn’t only in the clothes I wore, but also in the way I thought about life. I refused to follow the trends, and I became critical of our society. I wouldn’t allow myself to become another mindless sheep. Listening to Manson’s music pushed me to think for myself, and to question authority. And that’s exactly what I did.

It wasn’t always easy, and I made a lot of mistakes. But I’m a better person today for having been allowed to explore my individuality. And without the influence of Marilyn Manson, there’s no doubt I wouldn’t be the same person I am today. A little older, my “battles” are different, but I still refuse to follow the herd, and I do what I want with my life, not what’s expected (and trust me, the older you get, the more expectations there are.) I no longer dress in spikes or wear lipstick, but the attitude remains. I’m me…so fuck off!

About three years ago I went to a Marilyn Manson concert, and afterwards stood outside in the freezing Wisconsin winter for hours just for a chance to meet him. I never got that chance. It was frustrating to have braved the cold, risking frostbite and hypothermia, only to watch his bus drive away. But even as disappointed as I was, I knew I’d do it all again.

Then on Tuesday there was a post on Marilyn Manson’s Facebook page that said he’d be doing a book signing in Hollywood on Thursday night. I checked out flights, and they were expensive. I talked myself out of going. As much as I wanted to meet him, it didn’t seem reasonable to fly halfway across the country for a handshake and an autograph.

I kept thinking about it, and I knew that if I didn’t go, I’d have huge regrets, so I booked a flight to LA for the next morning and packed my backpack. Holy shit! I was going to meet Marilyn Manson!

In the morning I grabbed my bag, kissed Erin good-bye, and drove to the airport. Some hours later I was in LA, cruising down Hollywood Boulevard with a friend from high school (to whom I’m forever grateful and indebted!) She wasn’t interested in going since Manson didn’t have quite the same impact on her life as he did mine, so she dropped me off at the bookstore.

The line was filled with all types of people…from goths, to girls dressed in miniskirts. Some were covered in tattoos, while others had none. There was blue hair, pink hair, grey hair. Platform boots, high heals, high-healed platforms. Despite our differences, we were all united in Marilyn Manson impacting our lives in some way. Listening to other people talk, I heard stories exactly the same as my own. “If it wasn’t for Manson…”

As the people shuffled in to meet him, it wasn’t the “freak show” I’d expected it to be. People weren’t groveling or trying to attack him. Most people just shook his hand, exchanged a few words and smiled a lot. Of course, there’s always that “one person.” When it was her turn to meet him, she grabbed him and started kissing him. I think she may have even licked him. Manson just laughed.

You’d think that after fifteen years, I’d know exactly what I’d say when I met him. Nope. I didn’t have a clue. He’s heard a million times how he’s changed people’s lives. I thought about asking him his thoughts on Barack Obama, or Michelle Bachmann. Maybe if he’d heard about the dolphin slaughter in Japan. But when I was standing in front of him, all I could think to say was, “It’s nice to meet you.” He looked at me, smiled, and said “It’s nice to meet you, too.” Then we shook hands. He signed my book, we shook hands again, and I had my picture taken with him. Then I moved on.

After the signing was the première of his new video, “Born Villian.” Watching a Marilyn Manson video with Marilyn Manson is an experience that cannot compare to anything, and it’s a night I won’t soon forget.

Filed under Marilyn Manson

The Amazing Race

August 7, 2011 7 Comments

I’ve had a lot of bad luck when it comes to participating in anything athletic.

A couple years ago, I was training for a triathlon. Practically everyday I was either swimming, cycling, or running. Things were going great until I began having troubles with my knee. At first the pain was tolerable, so I kept training. But each day that passed, the pain grew more intense. I finally stopped training when I couldn’t walk without being in excruciating pain. It was months before I finally recovered, and the triathlon was long over.

My next attempt at participating in an athletic event was last June, when I was going to accomplish my goal of running in a marathon. I signed up for the 26.2 mile event and began training. My endurance improved dramatically, and it wasn’t long before I was able to run further than ever before. Then, a couple weeks before the marathon, I came down with a horrible cold that wiped me out. The only thing I wanted to do was nothing. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. And on race day, I wasn’t at the starting line.

I wasn’t going to give up. I hadn’t spent all that time training for nothing, so I signed up for a half marathon scheduled for a month later. And as I mentioned, I didn’t take my training seriously. Talk about being arrogant. I had less than two weeks to prepare, and all the gains I’d made while training for the marathon were gone. Now I couldn’t run more than a couple miles before needing a break. I spent the next week and a half in the gym lifting weights, practically ignoring the treadmill. I ran outside a couple times…but not enough.

Even though I knew I could’ve trained harder, when race day came, I felt great. I was ready to run. 3…2…1…Go!

The first mile I ran alongside my friend who had been training with me for the past few months (for the marathon, and half marathon.) His rhythm was quicker than mine, and by Mile 3, he was lost in the crowd. By Mile 4 I’d caught up with the 9:55 pace keeper, and ran with her until Mile 8. I was doing much better than I’d hoped. Not only was my pace faster than I expected, but I hadn’t even taken a single break since the beginning. I was performing better than ever!

Of course, I couldn’t expect it to last forever, and a long hill wiped me out. It was time to walk for a couple minutes. I recovered quickly, and pushed on a little further. When I reached Mile 10, I was still running more than walking but the breaks were becoming more frequent, and after Mile 10 I was ready to be done. I kept pushing myself as hard as I could, and at Mile 11, the next pace keeper caught up to me. I was still fifteen minutes ahead of my goal. I ran alongside him for the next mile until I needed a rest.

There was only a mile left, but I really didn’t want to run anymore. It was hot and humid, my legs and feet were sore. But I kept pushing, jogging as often as possible, passing and being passed by the same couple of people for the next mile. As the Finish Line came into sight, and the people on the side of the road became more dense, I picked up my pace until I was running at a sprint. I flew past the familiar faces of the few people I’d been running next to for the last mile, and finished the race with a huge smile on my face.

The results were in! My final time was 2:16:15.19, almost 15 minutes faster than I was hoping for. My average pace was 10:25 a mile, and I came in 420th place out of 720 runners, 223 of 314 in the men’s division, and 64 of 88 in my age group.

When I started, it wasn’t about time, just finishing. When I caught up with the pace keeper at Mile 4, it was about time. I knew I could beat my goal, and I did. This might be the first time in my entire life that I actually beat my own expectations for myself. And that makes me feel really good!

“If you don’t know what your limits are, how can you possibly know what your potential is?”

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Filed under Marathon

“Skinny Fat” and Man Boobs

August 5, 2011 5 Comments

The ideal body.

We all want to have it, and to have one pressed against our own. I know I certainly do. But what is the “ideal body?” And shouldn’t we just be happy with ourselves the way we are? Isn’t it the media who’s to blame for our insecurities about the way we look? If they’d just use “normal” people in their advertisements instead of those flawless models…then we’d all be happy with our bodies, right?

Maybe I’ve been brainwashed by the media about what it means to be beautiful, desirable, and sexy because it’s exactly this idealized version of beauty that’s presented by the media that I desire. I want to have the perfect body that’s splashed across the magazines. It’d be nice to be the guy at the beach that the ladies are drooling over, but that’s not why I want that body, not really. When I look at myself in the mirror, I’m not happy with what I see. I want to be able to look at myself and say, “Damn, you look great!” I want to feel good about how I look naked. That’s my motivation.

I’ve always been insecure about my body. When I was a teenager, I avoided going to the lake with friends because I didn’t want to be seen without a shirt. I was scrawny, and it was embarrassing. Since then, I’ve managed to gain weight…on my ass, thighs, and belly. Okay. I got fat, but I wasn’t overweight. Ironic, especially considering that I’d also acquired A-cup man boobs (that I tried to pass off as pecs…ah, the lies we tell ourselves.)

“Skinny fat.” That’s how I’d describe myself…a tall version of the Pillsbury Doughboy.

As adorable as the Pillsbury Doughboy might be, I’ll be damned if I’m going to have people poking me in the belly expecting me to giggle. But, like most people, I didn’t do much to change. I still ate like shit, and worked out infrequently…just enough to perpetuate my belief (read: lie) that I was “trying to change.”

Only about a year ago did I really begin to realize that I was bullshitting myself about my efforts to change. So I tried a little harder, and made some progress, losing about 25 pounds. But I still hated the way I looked. Even though I’d lost all that weight, I still looked like a sissy without any muscle definition. When I ran, my flabby chest and belly shook like a bowl of JELL-O in an earthquake, even though I was at a healthy weight with a body fat percentage bordering on “athletic.”

About a month ago I began looking for a solution to my skinny fat dilemma, and found that I wasn’t the only person with this problem. Actually, it’s quite common in our society, especially amongst women. Because women don’t want to ”bulk up” from lifting weights, they avoid lifting heavy, opting instead to spend hours upon hours doing cardio. Seems this is actually counterproductive to their goal of toning up and looking sexy in a bikini. Even though I wasn’t too interested in looking sexy in a bikini, I saw the flaws I was making in my own workouts. Too much cardio, and not enough lifting.

And my diet? Not enough protein, and too much…shit. I quit drinking soda, and began to tighten my diet. I’ve been at this now for about three weeks, and have seen noticeable changes in my body. In another month, I expect the results to really begin to show.

But what’s this have to do with you?

I’m not any different than a million other people when it comes to my relationship with food and exercising. I love to eat like shit, and I hate to work out. But you know, the more I do it, the less I hate it. I’ve reached a point where I’m beginning to see the results of my efforts, and I want to know how much further I can push myself. I used to tell myself lies about my efforts in the gym and in the kitchen. I thought I was doing everything I could, but I wasn’t. Don’t bullshit yourself. Even though a lot of this post focused on physical appearance, it’s your health and fitness that really matter. It’s more than just a sexy body.

Take care of yourselves!

Filed under Fitness

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